College

so ive had to start thinking about college. I've got 7 in mind right now. They are Washington University, Boston College, Fordham, St. Louis University, Loyola Chicago, Franciscan University, and Truman. I've kinda covered all the bases. I've got one I know that I can absolutely get into and is wonderfully affordable (costs less than high school), Truman. I am obviously very biased towards Jesuit colleges. I admittedly am pretty much only interested in Franciscan because so many of my friends are planning to go there. I've got some close to home, some far. And I've got my two highly competitive schools to try for. I actually have a chance of getting into BC, but I doubt my chances with Wash U.(two periods or one?) (or I could just say that the sentence isn't over yet and end it now). I also am taking into consideration that my 1818 credit is only good in the midwest (i think-i dont know about Fordham or Steubie, but BC definitely doesn't, neither does Wash U). But I will have AP, too, and thats good almost everywhere, so...a more important factor is whether or not to be close to home. which also relates to the cost-both tuition and travel expenses. I'm hoping to not have to pay anything for college through scholarships though (not just the big ones, the small ones add up!) On the one hand, I'm really close to my family, and I want to be around my grandparents as much as possible, but on the other hand, the idea of being in a completely new big city is very exciting. comfort, familiarity, and security vs. adventure, opportunity, and, well, fear. It would be rather unsettling to not be able to go back home within 20 minutes or even a couple hours, to have such a big barrier between me and my family, the kind that has only happened before for very brief periods of time. and this would be months at a time without being able to hug. but of course, such circumstances would probably only force me to spread my wings a little farther a little faster than I would otherwise. it could possibly help me to grow, to expand my horizons more than in a city that I already know and surrounded by people that I'm already comfortable with. I guess thats all I have to say for now, but I'll still be thinking about this. I'll write more when my thinking progresses. Advice is always welcome.

the future and my vocation

Well, I've been thinking a lot lately (and by lately I mean all of my teenage years) about the future, specifically, what I will be doing in the future. I have also been trying to live in the moment/"now", but I'm gonna have to put that goal aside for this blog. The main debate going on inside my head is the tension between my will and having no clue how to figure out God's will. I've grown up always wanting to do God's will, but I've always been fuzzy on the details about how I would actually know what to do. And this is becoming very apparent in this period of my life in which I have to think about senior year, college, majors, jobs/careers, and yes, even relationships. (sigh) When it has come time to make decisions like senior courses and what colleges to look at, it has felt like I'm completely relying on what I think is best for me. I'm not sure how to consult God on such decisions. Is it just a matter of using my reason (a gift from God) as best as possible? That cannot be because the limited nature of the human mind could not even start to realize the complexity and majesty of God's plans to work through us. So I guess I'm just venting my frustration at what I really need to do, listen. I happen to consider myself a good listener, but that may be because I surround myself with people who talk...a lot (namely, my mom, but many, many others as well-you know who you are! and I love ya for it!). But I don't think God is going to talk to me in a similar manner. Patience and trust. Those are the two things I think I need to effectively listen to God. I guess what I'm really thinking about is vocation. What is God calling me to do? to be? How am I to best serve God? By being a preist? married? deacon? brother? single? I've already stated what my preference is (marriage, if you didn't know), which I would think is everyone's natural inclination. So I want to know how a priest realized his calling and how he accepted it. If any priests read this, please email me. and if any people with other vocations read this want to impart some wisdom, please email me as well. (but I dont think anyone reads this blog anyway-email me if you do, please!!! just so I know) cause when I picture the possibility of being a priest I visualize (falsely I'm sure) a rather lonely life, and what happens to those romantic feelings? I'm not sure if this means anything, but just talking about this topic makes me yearn for a married life. and kids! It would be wonderful to be a stay at home dad. at least half of the time. that would be my ideal situation. to be married. to have, oh I don't know, maybe four kids, to have a job that I love, but allows me to be a stay at home dad half the time, and for my wife to have the same. that would be awesome! but none of that could possibly come about if it wasn't because I had been open to God's will and had been led to that situation. ahhhh, the uncertainty of the future! this is where the trust come in. and the benefit of only living in the moment (the present moment is all we ever actually have anyway). so i guess i better snap back into reality and start listening.

INFJ/INFP/ISFJ/ISFP

So I decided to take personality tests online to find a new way to describe "me." So my first results said that I was an ISFJ, with the percent of preference for each one being as follows: Introvert-89% (what a surprise!), Sensing-1% (so really im an X for this one), Feeling-22%, and Judging-11%. Personally, I think I'm more of a Intuitive than a sensing so I'm going to call myself a INFJ instead. I also think that I used to be more of a Judging, but now I think I've relaxed into Perception. so now Im a INFP. But im trying to become a J again. At least with regards to school. Being a J is useful in school, and my grades have suffered as a result of P-ing.
Of course none of this means anything because im not completely grown up yet. But still it helps me analyze how and why I do the things I do. Here are descriptions of the different combinations listed above. All are pretty much only partial descriptors of different areas of me. Protector(ISFJ). Counselor(INFJ). Composer(ISFP). Healer(INFP).
If you want to take the test, click here. And to interpret the results, click here.