major trouble

with thinking about colleges, ive also been thinking about majors. its kinda an important part of the whole college experience. to focus your efforts to learn an area of knowledge in which you can excel the most. and with my personal strengths and preferences in mind, i was thinking about something like philosophy or religion. but then i realized that im not really interested in learning all the different types of philosophy and how they are used or all the rituals and doctrines that come with religion. as much as i enjoy thinking about complex things, im not really interested in being an intellectual. in thinking for the sake of thinking. when i think about those complicated issues, its so that i can understand the issue, take a particular position on that issue, and then act on my new understanding and opinion on that issue with regards to relating to other people. despite my introvertedness which makes my relating with other people slightly awkward (at least for myself), i have a drive to relate, to connect, to apply what i have thought about to how i live. so with regards to my major, i need something that will allow me to grow in my capacity to think intelligently but also direct my application of the results of my thinking toward my relating to people. and above any of this is the intense desire for whatever i do to have some positive impact on those people with whom im relating. to work, in broad terms, towards a greater world, to bring God's kingdom to earth.
i guess philosophy and religion can do that. but i dont like to concentrate so much on specifics and details. i like the big picture. so i get stuck when trying to process all the details. such detail arent the type of thing i enjoy thinking about. i guess i dont really know enough about how philosophy and religion majors work to be making these judgements, so i'll stop making them for now. but these are the things im thinking about with regards to majors.

running for the greater glory of God

so ive been running for track for four weeks now. and im pretty tired. ive been improving, but it is still a lot of hard work. at the beginning of the season i considered not joining the team because of the amount of work involved. but i decided i would be glad later if i did run. and i am. but it got me thinking what the purpose is of sports. or any activity where you practice everyday to get better at it (so this includes school too). the immediate benefit for me with running is that it keeps me healthy. it also gives me a sense of achievement. like after a hard workout, ill be so tired, but ill feel so good. the endorphins i guess (another definite plus). ill feel that ive conquered the workout, like a mini mount everest. it is something that i have done that has made me stronger. it has become part of my foundation, and from that new height, i can reach for the next goal. to improve myself more. is that the goal of all of this? i suppose. to develop ourselves to our full potential. to completely utilize and appreciate God's gifts to us. by this, my running can be a spiritual exercise. to improve myself in order to better glorify God, to better serve God. but this is only my human effort to improve myself. in order to fully glorify God, i need to allow God to work in me and through me. sports are great to improve yourself so far as you can do on your own, but to reach your full potential as a human, you must rely on the supernatural. so i guess im just trying to realize that sports, while great, can not be used to reach the goal but can only be a supplement. while i must continue to work to improve myself, i must go beyond that and let God take a turn at directing my life. it sounds simple enough. but ive already talked about my difficulties in doing that. so this is just another blog with the same ending. i think God might be trying to talk to me through my writing. i need to let God lead.

being vegetarian

For this Lent, I gave up meat. not just for Fridays like all Catholics but every day (even Sundays). I am strongly considering making this a permanent change to my diet. Yes, I want to become vegetarian. Ideally (ie, if I wasnt so lazy), I would take the next step and become vegan. And the reason is (and yes it's a little cliched) that I love animals. I do not want to cause animals pain or suffering for my benefit. Some time during my sophomore year, there was a showing of a documentary at my school that showed the conditions in which food producing animals live and die. I wont go into any detail, but it is terrible. I still have images burned into my mind. Immediately after watching this (this was a completely optional thing to go see), I did not want to eat meat. But my family is carnivorous, and, as I stated before, I can be rather lazy, so I gradually went back to being ok with eating meat. I was only able to do this by ignoring what I believe to be my conscience which says that this is wrong. I view eating meat as almost a social sin now. a problem that all of society is contributing to. Being called to be stewards of the earth and knowing how these animals are treated, I cant justify eating meat to myself.
Even before I had seen the video, I had observed and thought it strange how we can love and protect some animals, like dogs, being disgusted when other cultures eat dogs, but then go on and eat cows and pigs and chickens. why do dogs deserved to be respected more as God's creatures than these other animals? We even name the meat different from the animal for cows and pigs, I think trying to "de-animalize" them, or giving them a status below animal. And very few of us like to think about the details of preparing the meat. Even as a carnivore, I could have never been a butcher because it seems so violent. I suppose this is one way in which I want to act out my pacifism (if that isnt a contradiction).
As one of my friends (hi katie!) pointed out, there are vegetarians who want to push there beliefs on others. I'm not doing that. If you want my opinion or want to understand my beliefs, you can certainly ask me, but I will not (or at least try to not) judge anyone for a difference in beliefs (this is a principle applied to all differences in beliefs, ideally. but hey, guess what, I'm an idealistic kind of guy!)
a wonderful site that pretty well fully explains what im talking about can be found by clicking here.
so my goal (if one is needed) in becoming vegetarian is, first, just practically, to have my actions aligned with my conscience. and more broadly, i suppose there is a hope of a vegan society that would bring harmony in nature, or God's Creation. so i hope there is some sort of greater understanding of why I want to be vegetarian now. if not, feel free to question me further.