I came across a quote while surfing that really got me thinking about my attitudes about peace and how I should go about my activism. so watch out; block quote coming your way...
'A man of peace is not a pacifist, a man of peace is simply a pool of silence. He pulsates a new kind of energy into the world, he sings a new song. He lives in a totally new way his very way of live is that of grace, that of prayer, that of compassion. Whomsoever he touches, he creates more love-energy. The man of peace is creative. He is not against war, because to be against anything is to be at war. He is not against war, he simply understands why war exists. And out of that understanding he becomes peaceful. Only when there are many people who are pools of peace, silence, understanding, will the war disappear.'OSHO, from: 'Zen: The Path of Paradox, vol II'
After reading that, I realized how ironic it is to say that I want to "fight for peace" (a quote from my activism post). So peace is not something to fight for but rather to live out for myself. As the anonymous person who commented after my activism post said, the best way to change the world for the better is to change myself for the better ("World Transformation thru Self Transformation"). I'm already on that path, but now I have the right attitude to go along with it.
Friday, July 30
Micah House: why I am now excited about college
so in my last post about college, I stated a whole bunch of practical reasons why SLU would be the best school for me. it is good for the school that I want to attend to be the practical choice, but I don't think that just because it would be easiest for me to go to SLU (because of distance from home and cost) is a good enough reason to go there. But with having settled for the moment on SLU, I decided to do more research into what special programs are offered, and I discovered that SLU was not only practical, it was the school for me. This research I speak of is of the program called Micah House. Its basis is to connect all the areas of a student's life and direct it towards community service. Totally awesome. If you remember back to my post about majors and not feeling satisfied with the idea of a theology major, it was because I wanted what I would study to have a very practical application. I wanted it to be very clear to me how the ideas I would be learning could be immediately applied to affecting the community for the better. This is definitely what I was searching for. It is not a major; it may go along with my major of theology or education (or whatever is needed to be a theology teacher). The members of the program live together on campus, they take some of their classes together, and they serve together (30 hours per semester). It's all of the good parts of a fraternity with none of the bad. Not only will I still be able to go ahead with the theology major while participating in this program, but I will also still be able to work towards the honors degree. And while Micah House is a tight-knit group, they still encourage you to be active in any other areas of campus life that you are interested in (so it's not like it will dominate my college life). This program has single-handedly sold me on going to SLU. I've already started to fill out the application. Other school don't hardly appeal to me any more. And I don't anticipate my enthusiasm fading. I realize that there is a whole lot of time left before any final decisions have to be made (a lot of time to change my mind), but, honestly, this is what I have been looking for. And now I've found it.
"What does the Lord require of you but to do justice, and to love mercy, and to walk humbly with your God?" Micah 6:8
"What does the Lord require of you but to do justice, and to love mercy, and to walk humbly with your God?" Micah 6:8
Tuesday, July 27
political compass
just wanted to share an interesting site i found via surfing (actually from another blog that i like to read). the site is a political compass quiz that measures and describes your political views not only economically (left and right) but also socially (libertarian and authoritarian). i scored about a -3.00/-3.00, which you will understand if you take the test. but basically it measure the degrees to which i am left and libertarian. this puts me somewhere close to gandhi in political views as the site shows. there is another site with a shorter quiz here. it puts me in the category of a centrist, but leaning towards the left and libertarian side. ok, that is all for now. cuz its late. grrr.
college update: college trek accomplished
i have now visited all the colleges that im currently considering. first off, thanks to my family for making the trip happen. we flew out to providence, RI, where we picked up our one way rental car. drove up to boston: boston college. drove thru fordham in new york (saw statue of liberty and ground zero as well). walked around franciscan u. of steubenville. visited loyola chicago. and finally marquette in milwalkee. i had already visited slu and wash u back during spring break. i really liked bc except for its distance from home. frankie u. would be great spiritually, but it's too conservative for me. loyola and fordham are too urban for me. marquette is a lot like slu. so right now, slu is my first choice, bc is second, and marquette third. i stopped considering wash u bc its not jesuit (mission of education not directed by spiritual goals). and truman is a good school, but same prob as wash u plus not in a city.
so slu is my top choice right now because it is in st. louis. i am so connected to st. louis with the people that i love being here. my well being is somewhat reliant on being with people that i love. slu is obviously jesuit. something that has apparently become my main criterium for my college search. i have a great chance at receiving lots of financial aid from slu. the college credit that i have earned is accepted by slu. my favorite color is blue. these are a good number of reasons why slu is my first choice right now. just a sidenote: while my home is only 5 minutes from the campus, i would be planning to live on campus (its part of the college experience). and hopefully with financial aid, it will not be unnecessary money spent on my part.
during this trip, ive had ample time to think about things, and for a major, im thinking education with the intent of teaching high school theology. cuz at first i was thinking about the priesthood and homilies and that led me to consider the fact that im probably more able to teach in front of kids than preach in front of adults. so im excited about that thought. the other thing i like to think about as a career is to work at karen house. its part of the catholic worker movement (dorothy day and all) its houses families while they get back on their feet. and the people who run it also live there with the families. it is an awesome way to live out my drive to work for social justice. and to live out a life of physical poverty. the people who run it have very few possessions. their lives are very simple. that is definitely a goal of mine. to simplify my life. less is more. if i empty myself of possessions, God can fill me with grace. that said, i often feel like a hypocrit for wanting to buy things. my bday is coming up, and my family likes to know what i want in the way of gifts. so i have this list in my mind, and these items are completely unnecessary in the long run. the items themselves are contradictory. some are to have brand name things and some are to fight against brand names. ahhhhhh.
ok, i'll make this clearer by telling you my list. its short, dont worry. ok, aviator sunglasses. to look cool basically. something i dont normally care about and dont want to start caring about. the next is teva sandals (brand name alert) the idea is to have sandals that arent leather. but i can get unleather sandals at target. i guess my idea was that they would last for a long long time. but my original reason was because i liked the way they looked. so its a cool thing again. ug. my third is the antibrand name item. converse style sneakers that are made by unionized factories (not the converse brand) thats at www.nosweatapparel.com. but again, my desire for the shoes is not only to have them union made but also for the style. so after writing about it, i think the shoes would still be worthwhile purchases. and if i ever come across aviatiors that are cheap, there is no harm in having style in the spirit of fun. sigh. the material world sure does complicate things though. ok, well i started out talking about colleges and i took a tangent over this way. the tangent ended, so i think this blog is done.
so slu is my top choice right now because it is in st. louis. i am so connected to st. louis with the people that i love being here. my well being is somewhat reliant on being with people that i love. slu is obviously jesuit. something that has apparently become my main criterium for my college search. i have a great chance at receiving lots of financial aid from slu. the college credit that i have earned is accepted by slu. my favorite color is blue. these are a good number of reasons why slu is my first choice right now. just a sidenote: while my home is only 5 minutes from the campus, i would be planning to live on campus (its part of the college experience). and hopefully with financial aid, it will not be unnecessary money spent on my part.
during this trip, ive had ample time to think about things, and for a major, im thinking education with the intent of teaching high school theology. cuz at first i was thinking about the priesthood and homilies and that led me to consider the fact that im probably more able to teach in front of kids than preach in front of adults. so im excited about that thought. the other thing i like to think about as a career is to work at karen house. its part of the catholic worker movement (dorothy day and all) its houses families while they get back on their feet. and the people who run it also live there with the families. it is an awesome way to live out my drive to work for social justice. and to live out a life of physical poverty. the people who run it have very few possessions. their lives are very simple. that is definitely a goal of mine. to simplify my life. less is more. if i empty myself of possessions, God can fill me with grace. that said, i often feel like a hypocrit for wanting to buy things. my bday is coming up, and my family likes to know what i want in the way of gifts. so i have this list in my mind, and these items are completely unnecessary in the long run. the items themselves are contradictory. some are to have brand name things and some are to fight against brand names. ahhhhhh.
ok, i'll make this clearer by telling you my list. its short, dont worry. ok, aviator sunglasses. to look cool basically. something i dont normally care about and dont want to start caring about. the next is teva sandals (brand name alert) the idea is to have sandals that arent leather. but i can get unleather sandals at target. i guess my idea was that they would last for a long long time. but my original reason was because i liked the way they looked. so its a cool thing again. ug. my third is the antibrand name item. converse style sneakers that are made by unionized factories (not the converse brand) thats at www.nosweatapparel.com. but again, my desire for the shoes is not only to have them union made but also for the style. so after writing about it, i think the shoes would still be worthwhile purchases. and if i ever come across aviatiors that are cheap, there is no harm in having style in the spirit of fun. sigh. the material world sure does complicate things though. ok, well i started out talking about colleges and i took a tangent over this way. the tangent ended, so i think this blog is done.
extreme plans in the works for the renovation of tom's life
so this blog is kind of belated. cuz it stems from Steubenville, which happened at the beginning of July. oh well. hopefully i can remember all that i wanted to say.
so the theme of the youth conference (aka steub) was rise up: a catholic revolution. they had a military spin on it, but its a good theme anyway. because i definitely do want to rise up. especially in the way described in the comment that follows my "active" blog below (thank you for the wonderful comment, person i dont personally know). so i was just wanting to describe what i learned at the conference. first off there is the image of God's people all focused on God. God at the center, and the people in a circle around. and this way we are able to see each other face to face. but when we turn away from God, we can only see each other from the side.
the rest of what i learned came from Ralph Poyo, a speaker at the conference. i actually ended up hearing him speak 3 times. if he was talking, i was there. so anyway, my big revelation was that to defeat my sin, i have to bring it into the light. because a no on my own often does not work. but with the support of the people around me, sin doesnt stand a chance. so practically applied, this basically means confessing my sins to my friends like i do in the sacrament of reconciliation. which is a very scary thing to do. but Ralph Poyo shared his dark secrets with the whole conference, continuing to bring it into the light (and inspiring others to do the same, obviously...just like my youth group's current motto of inspire greatness). so i think i can tell my close friends. i already have been able to open up with a few friends, and it is incredibly freeing. especially with the accountability that my friends provide. thank you to the friends that i have already shared with. you are amazing friends. very accepting and supportive. and if i haven't opened up to a close friend who happens to be reading this, i hopefully will be able to soon. trying to build momentum. overcoming fear is a hard thing. fear of taking off a mask and not being accepted for what is underneath (a lesson given a long time ago at my REAP retreat for confirmation that i can now live out).
oh, another thing i picked up somewhere around the conference (im thinking on the ride back home...), mediocrity is death. i cannot settle. i have to always be striving for more. at my jesuit school, its called magis. latin for more. but anyway. to not be mediocre is to be extreme. to stand out. to go against the flow of society. to speak up and defend what i believe. especially when its my friends that are being mediocre themselves. this is definitely a way to improve my life. (improve life=closer to God) so what im working on currently to extremely change my own behavior (and maybe inspire others;-) is to stop watching the majority of tv/movies. and to get to bed much earlier and wake up much earlier. this last idea is from the book Don't sweat the small stuff...and it's all small stuff. this is very much against what im currently practicing. i still haven't gotten to really try it out, but i will be. and basically the benefit of this apparently crazy idea is that in the morning, i'll have time for myself before i have to worry about any demands the world has for me. it would be time to pray, meditate, read, run, watch the sunrise. it sounds awesome to me. i dont know how i can possibly do it though when my social life doesnt usually start until about 9pm. prolly right when my plan would have me go to sleep. (and wake up prolly at 5am...the person in the book wakes up between 3 and 4 each morning...i know...crazy...extreme...revolutionary?) and i dont know how i could possibly do this during the school year, especially during cross country season when i cant even start my 3 hours of homework til 7. however, not watching tv will definitely help. this would be as life changing as becoming vegetarian, so it may take a while to implement, but i'll be working on it. well maybe tomorrow night. cuz im definitely not doing it tonight! tata for now...
so the theme of the youth conference (aka steub) was rise up: a catholic revolution. they had a military spin on it, but its a good theme anyway. because i definitely do want to rise up. especially in the way described in the comment that follows my "active" blog below (thank you for the wonderful comment, person i dont personally know). so i was just wanting to describe what i learned at the conference. first off there is the image of God's people all focused on God. God at the center, and the people in a circle around. and this way we are able to see each other face to face. but when we turn away from God, we can only see each other from the side.
the rest of what i learned came from Ralph Poyo, a speaker at the conference. i actually ended up hearing him speak 3 times. if he was talking, i was there. so anyway, my big revelation was that to defeat my sin, i have to bring it into the light. because a no on my own often does not work. but with the support of the people around me, sin doesnt stand a chance. so practically applied, this basically means confessing my sins to my friends like i do in the sacrament of reconciliation. which is a very scary thing to do. but Ralph Poyo shared his dark secrets with the whole conference, continuing to bring it into the light (and inspiring others to do the same, obviously...just like my youth group's current motto of inspire greatness). so i think i can tell my close friends. i already have been able to open up with a few friends, and it is incredibly freeing. especially with the accountability that my friends provide. thank you to the friends that i have already shared with. you are amazing friends. very accepting and supportive. and if i haven't opened up to a close friend who happens to be reading this, i hopefully will be able to soon. trying to build momentum. overcoming fear is a hard thing. fear of taking off a mask and not being accepted for what is underneath (a lesson given a long time ago at my REAP retreat for confirmation that i can now live out).
oh, another thing i picked up somewhere around the conference (im thinking on the ride back home...), mediocrity is death. i cannot settle. i have to always be striving for more. at my jesuit school, its called magis. latin for more. but anyway. to not be mediocre is to be extreme. to stand out. to go against the flow of society. to speak up and defend what i believe. especially when its my friends that are being mediocre themselves. this is definitely a way to improve my life. (improve life=closer to God) so what im working on currently to extremely change my own behavior (and maybe inspire others;-) is to stop watching the majority of tv/movies. and to get to bed much earlier and wake up much earlier. this last idea is from the book Don't sweat the small stuff...and it's all small stuff. this is very much against what im currently practicing. i still haven't gotten to really try it out, but i will be. and basically the benefit of this apparently crazy idea is that in the morning, i'll have time for myself before i have to worry about any demands the world has for me. it would be time to pray, meditate, read, run, watch the sunrise. it sounds awesome to me. i dont know how i can possibly do it though when my social life doesnt usually start until about 9pm. prolly right when my plan would have me go to sleep. (and wake up prolly at 5am...the person in the book wakes up between 3 and 4 each morning...i know...crazy...extreme...revolutionary?) and i dont know how i could possibly do this during the school year, especially during cross country season when i cant even start my 3 hours of homework til 7. however, not watching tv will definitely help. this would be as life changing as becoming vegetarian, so it may take a while to implement, but i'll be working on it. well maybe tomorrow night. cuz im definitely not doing it tonight! tata for now...
Monday, July 5
increase love
I haven't blogged in a while. and this isn't an apology. I blog when I am moved to blog. I've been distracted and busy lately so I haven't had much chance for movement. but i think im finally moved now, so im going with it. it's 2:13am and i'm pretty tired. but im going with it.
so while i've been distracted and busy, or more specifically: this past week, I've been thinking about love. it may have started a while back (three weeks ago) when i watched moulin rouge and realized that I could be a part of the bohemian revolution (or revowution. whichever you prefer), but my thoughts on love have intensified in this past week (to the point of movement, obviously). so first i'll just state some preliminary thoughts/beliefs i've gathered in my 17 years about the mystery of love. love is not a feeling. happiness is a feeling. it often accompanies love, but not always. instead, love is an action, a verb. it is the perfect method of relating to fellow humans. love is selfless and sacrificing, making the recipient of your love the priority. and love does not worry whether the same is returned. so basically, im just paraphrasing corinthians 13:4-8. hey, thats worthy of a block quote (its not like i dont have all morning).
love is patient. love is kind. it is not jealous. love is not pompous, it is not inflated. it is not rude, it does not seek its own interests, it is not quick-tempered, it does not rejoice over wrongdoing but rejoices with the truth. it bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. love never fails.
that's an action-packed word if i ever saw one. so obviously, God is Love. and God loves me. in that love, God created me and gave me free will to love God back. that's what heaven is: to be in complete unison with God through love. well, thats half of it. in our free will, i am also called to love the Creator's Creation. all of it. not just the parts that benefit me or that like me, but the whole (insert favorite cliche here). And in heaven, God and all of Creation (including me) will be in unison through love. (not unlike the buddhist concept of nirvana) so how about now. before heaven. between being created and being in heaven is the time slot reserved for my life in this physical universe. (not to bother with the worrisome details and specifics of what exactly the process is of being received into heaven. thats a mystery to be lived, not anticipated) so this life is my opportunity to love God with my free will. and Creation. all of it. but i will never experience all of God's Creation in my lifetime. and love is an intimate behavior. thats a source of some of my thoughts right there. how to love all of creation without ever even meeting most of it til heaven. my answer (to my own question) is that it is a matter of attitude and faith. that all i can do is love the creation i encounter as best i can (attitude), trusting that i would be able to do the same with the rest of it (faith). in reflecting, i see that heaven is a complete love. love, on my part and while in this universe, is incomplete. i love parts of creation more than others. i love humans more than i love plants because i have more in common with humans. thats another question: can love (my human attempt to love) actually have different degrees or intensities? i'll save typing and assume for now that the answer is yes. (knowing that assuming is bad for obvious word splicing reasons) so love of different degrees is the reality in this imperfect world. but it is not the goal. complete love (heaven) is the goal. and my life should be used by coming as close to that goal as possible. so say i observe myself loving one person more than another. i want to see how i love that person more and increase my love for the other person in the same manner. this of course has boundaries such as marriage, but if there are ways to increase my love for another person, i need to try to do that. this is very idealistic of me, but none of this love can depend on the other person or their actions regarding me. i must love indiscriminately and recklessly. God (aka love) is my first priority (redundant?) in increasing my love. Creation second. me third. yeah, im still in there as a recipient of my love. i need to increase love for myself too. but way too often, i switch that priority paradigm to have me on top and God on bottom. i might even say most of the time. and that is because i judge priority with my level of intimacy to whatever it is that im focusing on. and simply because God is not physically next to me, i often dont focus or pay enough attention to God. since i hopefully know myself best (of the people i know, i mean. God knows me perfectly), I often put priority on my needs/wants, being most intimate with those needs and wants. then putting the people around me as second priority because i feel more intimate with their wants and needs than Gods will. in the past few months i have tried to use this as a way to become more intimate with God. to become closer to God by becoming closer to other people. it is not a bad thing to do at all, but it cannot be the only thing. because i can become easily distracted with these people and lose any focus on God and any energy to be directed towards loving God goes only to the people around me and to me. (i realize im being awfully hard on myself. this is not the intent. it is only a process of reflecting and resetting my attitudes and behaviors) so if judging priority by intimacy does not work, the judgement must be made by level of commitment. obviously my foremost commitment should be to God and to the doing of God's will to most fully love Creation. and my second commitment to creation. to love it as God will's me to. and my third to myself because i only need commit myself to doing the first two things. but within the second commitment to creation-again, it is an unevenly distributed commitment in my humanness. the most obvious example is if i were to marry, i'd have a stronger commitment to my wife than to a close friend, quite logically. it seems i'd be called to love my wife most among humans, being a part of me. what then of increasing my universal love? its hard for me to wrap my mind around these expansive ideas and im quite tired (being 3:56am) so i'll stop that point there. but basically, i'm realizing that all i have to do is increase love and the rest is details. i suppose the details are important and apparently someone once said that God is in the details. but ive never liked focusing on the details. even though thats probably all that i ever do. nitpicking about vocations and such. as my yg sang in our PL skit-all you need is love.
so while i've been distracted and busy, or more specifically: this past week, I've been thinking about love. it may have started a while back (three weeks ago) when i watched moulin rouge and realized that I could be a part of the bohemian revolution (or revowution. whichever you prefer), but my thoughts on love have intensified in this past week (to the point of movement, obviously). so first i'll just state some preliminary thoughts/beliefs i've gathered in my 17 years about the mystery of love. love is not a feeling. happiness is a feeling. it often accompanies love, but not always. instead, love is an action, a verb. it is the perfect method of relating to fellow humans. love is selfless and sacrificing, making the recipient of your love the priority. and love does not worry whether the same is returned. so basically, im just paraphrasing corinthians 13:4-8. hey, thats worthy of a block quote (its not like i dont have all morning).
love is patient. love is kind. it is not jealous. love is not pompous, it is not inflated. it is not rude, it does not seek its own interests, it is not quick-tempered, it does not rejoice over wrongdoing but rejoices with the truth. it bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. love never fails.
that's an action-packed word if i ever saw one. so obviously, God is Love. and God loves me. in that love, God created me and gave me free will to love God back. that's what heaven is: to be in complete unison with God through love. well, thats half of it. in our free will, i am also called to love the Creator's Creation. all of it. not just the parts that benefit me or that like me, but the whole (insert favorite cliche here). And in heaven, God and all of Creation (including me) will be in unison through love. (not unlike the buddhist concept of nirvana) so how about now. before heaven. between being created and being in heaven is the time slot reserved for my life in this physical universe. (not to bother with the worrisome details and specifics of what exactly the process is of being received into heaven. thats a mystery to be lived, not anticipated) so this life is my opportunity to love God with my free will. and Creation. all of it. but i will never experience all of God's Creation in my lifetime. and love is an intimate behavior. thats a source of some of my thoughts right there. how to love all of creation without ever even meeting most of it til heaven. my answer (to my own question) is that it is a matter of attitude and faith. that all i can do is love the creation i encounter as best i can (attitude), trusting that i would be able to do the same with the rest of it (faith). in reflecting, i see that heaven is a complete love. love, on my part and while in this universe, is incomplete. i love parts of creation more than others. i love humans more than i love plants because i have more in common with humans. thats another question: can love (my human attempt to love) actually have different degrees or intensities? i'll save typing and assume for now that the answer is yes. (knowing that assuming is bad for obvious word splicing reasons) so love of different degrees is the reality in this imperfect world. but it is not the goal. complete love (heaven) is the goal. and my life should be used by coming as close to that goal as possible. so say i observe myself loving one person more than another. i want to see how i love that person more and increase my love for the other person in the same manner. this of course has boundaries such as marriage, but if there are ways to increase my love for another person, i need to try to do that. this is very idealistic of me, but none of this love can depend on the other person or their actions regarding me. i must love indiscriminately and recklessly. God (aka love) is my first priority (redundant?) in increasing my love. Creation second. me third. yeah, im still in there as a recipient of my love. i need to increase love for myself too. but way too often, i switch that priority paradigm to have me on top and God on bottom. i might even say most of the time. and that is because i judge priority with my level of intimacy to whatever it is that im focusing on. and simply because God is not physically next to me, i often dont focus or pay enough attention to God. since i hopefully know myself best (of the people i know, i mean. God knows me perfectly), I often put priority on my needs/wants, being most intimate with those needs and wants. then putting the people around me as second priority because i feel more intimate with their wants and needs than Gods will. in the past few months i have tried to use this as a way to become more intimate with God. to become closer to God by becoming closer to other people. it is not a bad thing to do at all, but it cannot be the only thing. because i can become easily distracted with these people and lose any focus on God and any energy to be directed towards loving God goes only to the people around me and to me. (i realize im being awfully hard on myself. this is not the intent. it is only a process of reflecting and resetting my attitudes and behaviors) so if judging priority by intimacy does not work, the judgement must be made by level of commitment. obviously my foremost commitment should be to God and to the doing of God's will to most fully love Creation. and my second commitment to creation. to love it as God will's me to. and my third to myself because i only need commit myself to doing the first two things. but within the second commitment to creation-again, it is an unevenly distributed commitment in my humanness. the most obvious example is if i were to marry, i'd have a stronger commitment to my wife than to a close friend, quite logically. it seems i'd be called to love my wife most among humans, being a part of me. what then of increasing my universal love? its hard for me to wrap my mind around these expansive ideas and im quite tired (being 3:56am) so i'll stop that point there. but basically, i'm realizing that all i have to do is increase love and the rest is details. i suppose the details are important and apparently someone once said that God is in the details. but ive never liked focusing on the details. even though thats probably all that i ever do. nitpicking about vocations and such. as my yg sang in our PL skit-all you need is love.
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