patience and my vocation

a vocation is a calling by God, leading one to live her or his life as perfectly planned by God. so as a man, there are several possibilities. I will either marry, enter the religious life, or remain single. i cant ever imaging remaining single outside of the context of religious life, so i wont discuss it here. i just recently was able for the first time to envision myself as a priest. and to be good at it. or to feel comfortable with that vocation. after successfully imagining the possibility, i feel that i am more open to it, should i feel called. and that is where im leaving that option. ive decided not to stress over it. i can pray about it, but i wont rack my heart about whether i should make a decision. if i am called to be a priest, i'll know. the graduating seniors from sluh that are entering the seminary talked about the persistent nudging that God was using to call them. the nudging that they were resisting and then finally gave into. it sounds like i'll realize clearly if God is calling me. so not until that happens will i continue to think about that option. i said before religious life, but i cant see myself as a monk. i dont agree with the monastic lifestyle because it removes the person from society, almost selfishly abandoning society instead of working to bring God more fully into that society. i am also considering the vocation of deacon. especially the variety that is allowed to marry. because obviously my preference is still to marry. and here is where patience comes in. and why patience is in the title of this blog. and why its the word i need to keep reciting to myself. its not that i would like to get married tomorrow. its that i would like to have a romantic relationship tomorrow. and for most of society, that is obviously accepted and practiced. but that hasnt always been the case. if you think back before the 1960s (or maybe earlier) their wasnt any such thing as dating. only courtship. in which the aim is marriage. and this is the problem of today. and my problem. any romantic relationship at my age would be starting something that i cant finish. not for a long long time. sure in three months (and 5 days), i could legally marry, but im talking practically. the practicality that says that i have at least 5 more years of school ahead of me, that i dont have a job, that i still have more growing up to do. so thats why i need to have patience. to be able to appreciate the season of singlehood that im currently called to. its in this season that i A)fully mature and 2)focus completely my attention on serving God. these are both goals to which i should redirect the romantic energy currently bottled up inside of me. so with the situation analyzed as such, my only problem is struggling with infatuation-causing hormones. which with God's strength, i should be able to be successful at, most of the time. because i think i can trust God to be guiding me to the vocation in which i will be happiest. and in marriage, to bring me to the woman for me. honestly, its a very difficult stage in my life, to feel like im just waiting around until im finally ready to consider marriage, and having to constantly guard myself against the temptation of intimacy without commitment. this is the most imminent problem im facing right now. how can one stop having a romantic interest in another person in order to try to grow in a friendship that isnt distracted by such feelings?
i'll be praying about this. i would be grateful for your prayers as well.

An Aspiring Vegan

I just thought I would give an update on how my vegetarian lifestyle and vegan goals were going. well, im still vegetarian, obviously. and I definitely have a much much much (yes, thats three muches) healthier diet now. for breakfast i normally have total raisin bran with Silk brand vanilla flavored soy milk. the total ensures im not missing out on any essential vitamins. even though i prolly have it covered with the other healthy foods i eat. lunch. well im in a rut. but its a yummy rut. i have a pbj on wheat. and then two granola bars. both made by nature valley, who are vegan friendly. and in the late afternoon, i have a whole series of snacking, sometimes taking hours to complete as i lazily veg out (pun intended) in front of the tv. this snacking routine starts with a banana. i like my bananas with green stems. i dont like very sweet (aka mushy) bananas. then i have nuts. planters deluxe mixed. i reeeeally like almonds. and then i go for some (well, a lot) of raisins. and sometimes i have those peanut butter sandwich crackers. the lance brand is vegan friendly, too. then i finish with an apple. fugi, to be precise. and once in a while i make myself a sandwich out of wheat pita bread, hummus, and alfalfa sprouts. i also like sun chips. cuz their multi-grain. then dinner is always different. and it is also almost always not vegan friendly. but im choosing to not stress over what i eat. im limiting where i can. yet i still indulge in ted drewes. oh well. oh but just last night i tried my first soy ice cream. and i liked it. so yay. but still, i realize. its ted drewes that we're talking about. i dont know, we'll see.
im also trying to limit the leather that i use where possible. and so far that means that i have a cloth belt. and a couple days ago i made myself a duct tape wallet. which is fun and cool, even without its vegan friendliness. ha, i just realized that im saying vegan friendly. which is directly against the popular term, atkins-friendly. to which i cringe when i hear.
oh, i also had my first vegan hamburger a little while ago. and it felt strange eating it. i dont know that i even want to eat things that are supposed to taste like meat. its not very appetizing to me.
so that is how im doing. thanks for supporting me, or at least letting me be, as i continue to explore this significant lifestyle choice.

Active: attempting to change what is wrong in the world.

Hi. So I kinda took a small break from writing in my blog. I apologize to all of my faithful readers. But I'm back now. Cuz it's summer. And I'm really quite happy. Because of all of the free time. So now I'm blogging again. And by now I mean 1:30 am. Cuz who wants to blog during the day? I mean, hello, you could be sleeping then. So I'll get on with my blog. My topic of discussion for today is activism. Because I would like to be active. Not just any kind of active though. Active with a purpose. I want to be a rebel with a cause. Because not having a cause doesnt make much sense to me. So im rebeling against rebels without causes too. But continuing... So the first thing to be active about is nuclear disarmament. Because blowing each other up is not a good thing.(warning: link rated R for language) Peace is good. So even though the cold war is over, we should still work to get rid of OUR WMDs. try setting a good example? How about the idea that other nations only try to get nuclear weapons to defend themselves from the threat WE pose. And going right along with that, I want to activly oppose war. While I have been taught the Just War theory in school, I still dont see how entering into war could ever be justified. Jesus' whole deal was to not resist evil because that is exactly how evil wins. when we resist, its kinda like when we react to someone who is annoying you. If you act annoyed, they annoy more. the annoyness grows. i think it works the same with evil. I realize that in our world not resisting evil means we die. just as it led to Jesus' death. But it also leads to resurrection and heaven. so pacifism rocks! so yes, I would like to fight for peace...by working for justice. Next on the list is abortion. I'm not sure how liberals can claim that being pro-choice is a liberal thing when right now its the law. being pro-life is an expression of liberalism because the law needs to be CHANGED. as in, NOT conserved. so im not sure how pro-life is a conservative thing either, but thats ok...i can agree with the right on one thing at least. this is basically the reason for my independentness as far as political parties go. no political party can contain my views. the main point of conflict being life. a rather important point. cuz im both against abortion and the death penalty. reason im against abortion: thou shall not kill. pretty clear to me. reason im against the death penalty: kinda the same idea as with war. and with abortion. no human is allowed to take the life of another human under any circumstances. again, pretty clear to me. Everything else that I want to be active about is a variation of problems with equality. I want to protest sweatshops, racism, sexism, sexual orientation discrimination, and religious discrimination. Also, I would like to work towards the end of homelessness, hunger, and poverty. especially for children and the elderly. Also I want to work for justice in education and health care. like maybe our gov could spend 86 billion on teaching our kids and healing our sick. why in the world do we not have federal health care? Oh, and I forgot to say something before that isn't exactly about equality. animal rights of course. I mean its sort of about equality, as i've discussed before: eating chickens but not cats. and no, byrne (a fellow classmate), the solution is not to start eating cats too. Just a little side note: I despise the Atkins diet. It looks to me (jokingly) like a government plot to spur on the meat and dairy industries in their capitalist goals. I've only known one person that has taken up the Atkins diet, so it doesn't seem to be that popular to me, but its everywhere. Stores are supplying the supposed demand for low carb foods, and i guess its spurring on the craze. People! carbs are good! balance is the answer, not cholesterol filled meat and dairy!!! so yes, I hope to become vegan someday. when i said balance before (just for clarification) I meant a balance between carbs and protein, not carbs and meat. there's a difference. especially for me. ok, end of "little side note." and along the same lines as animal rights is activism for the environment. I want to hug trees. as stewards of the earth, we dont have permission to ravage it but rather tend it. so thats a lot to be active about. at this point, theres some little things that I can do. like being vegetarian. I would also like to ride a bike or bus instead of a car. outside of animal and environmental rights, I can vote. soon. and you can bet i will. and i can also volunteer for orgs that work to accomplish the things ive discussed. and i can also peacefully protest. so there you go. those are the things i would like to be active about. If you think of something that you think I probably overlooked, please comment.

major trouble

with thinking about colleges, ive also been thinking about majors. its kinda an important part of the whole college experience. to focus your efforts to learn an area of knowledge in which you can excel the most. and with my personal strengths and preferences in mind, i was thinking about something like philosophy or religion. but then i realized that im not really interested in learning all the different types of philosophy and how they are used or all the rituals and doctrines that come with religion. as much as i enjoy thinking about complex things, im not really interested in being an intellectual. in thinking for the sake of thinking. when i think about those complicated issues, its so that i can understand the issue, take a particular position on that issue, and then act on my new understanding and opinion on that issue with regards to relating to other people. despite my introvertedness which makes my relating with other people slightly awkward (at least for myself), i have a drive to relate, to connect, to apply what i have thought about to how i live. so with regards to my major, i need something that will allow me to grow in my capacity to think intelligently but also direct my application of the results of my thinking toward my relating to people. and above any of this is the intense desire for whatever i do to have some positive impact on those people with whom im relating. to work, in broad terms, towards a greater world, to bring God's kingdom to earth.
i guess philosophy and religion can do that. but i dont like to concentrate so much on specifics and details. i like the big picture. so i get stuck when trying to process all the details. such detail arent the type of thing i enjoy thinking about. i guess i dont really know enough about how philosophy and religion majors work to be making these judgements, so i'll stop making them for now. but these are the things im thinking about with regards to majors.

running for the greater glory of God

so ive been running for track for four weeks now. and im pretty tired. ive been improving, but it is still a lot of hard work. at the beginning of the season i considered not joining the team because of the amount of work involved. but i decided i would be glad later if i did run. and i am. but it got me thinking what the purpose is of sports. or any activity where you practice everyday to get better at it (so this includes school too). the immediate benefit for me with running is that it keeps me healthy. it also gives me a sense of achievement. like after a hard workout, ill be so tired, but ill feel so good. the endorphins i guess (another definite plus). ill feel that ive conquered the workout, like a mini mount everest. it is something that i have done that has made me stronger. it has become part of my foundation, and from that new height, i can reach for the next goal. to improve myself more. is that the goal of all of this? i suppose. to develop ourselves to our full potential. to completely utilize and appreciate God's gifts to us. by this, my running can be a spiritual exercise. to improve myself in order to better glorify God, to better serve God. but this is only my human effort to improve myself. in order to fully glorify God, i need to allow God to work in me and through me. sports are great to improve yourself so far as you can do on your own, but to reach your full potential as a human, you must rely on the supernatural. so i guess im just trying to realize that sports, while great, can not be used to reach the goal but can only be a supplement. while i must continue to work to improve myself, i must go beyond that and let God take a turn at directing my life. it sounds simple enough. but ive already talked about my difficulties in doing that. so this is just another blog with the same ending. i think God might be trying to talk to me through my writing. i need to let God lead.

being vegetarian

For this Lent, I gave up meat. not just for Fridays like all Catholics but every day (even Sundays). I am strongly considering making this a permanent change to my diet. Yes, I want to become vegetarian. Ideally (ie, if I wasnt so lazy), I would take the next step and become vegan. And the reason is (and yes it's a little cliched) that I love animals. I do not want to cause animals pain or suffering for my benefit. Some time during my sophomore year, there was a showing of a documentary at my school that showed the conditions in which food producing animals live and die. I wont go into any detail, but it is terrible. I still have images burned into my mind. Immediately after watching this (this was a completely optional thing to go see), I did not want to eat meat. But my family is carnivorous, and, as I stated before, I can be rather lazy, so I gradually went back to being ok with eating meat. I was only able to do this by ignoring what I believe to be my conscience which says that this is wrong. I view eating meat as almost a social sin now. a problem that all of society is contributing to. Being called to be stewards of the earth and knowing how these animals are treated, I cant justify eating meat to myself.
Even before I had seen the video, I had observed and thought it strange how we can love and protect some animals, like dogs, being disgusted when other cultures eat dogs, but then go on and eat cows and pigs and chickens. why do dogs deserved to be respected more as God's creatures than these other animals? We even name the meat different from the animal for cows and pigs, I think trying to "de-animalize" them, or giving them a status below animal. And very few of us like to think about the details of preparing the meat. Even as a carnivore, I could have never been a butcher because it seems so violent. I suppose this is one way in which I want to act out my pacifism (if that isnt a contradiction).
As one of my friends (hi katie!) pointed out, there are vegetarians who want to push there beliefs on others. I'm not doing that. If you want my opinion or want to understand my beliefs, you can certainly ask me, but I will not (or at least try to not) judge anyone for a difference in beliefs (this is a principle applied to all differences in beliefs, ideally. but hey, guess what, I'm an idealistic kind of guy!)
a wonderful site that pretty well fully explains what im talking about can be found by clicking here.
so my goal (if one is needed) in becoming vegetarian is, first, just practically, to have my actions aligned with my conscience. and more broadly, i suppose there is a hope of a vegan society that would bring harmony in nature, or God's Creation. so i hope there is some sort of greater understanding of why I want to be vegetarian now. if not, feel free to question me further.