As I've been reflecting, another thing I took away from watching Fight Club is a reiteration of an idea I wrote about last spring during track: that I can only improve myself so much on my own and I have to let God work in me without my interference. The anti-globalization movement that develops during the movie has the aura of the early Christian Church in that the people involved are completely dedicated and empowered as though the Holy Spirit is working within them. That's as far as the comparison goes between Fight Club and the early Christian Church. Two different themes in the movie that lead to this dynamic movement are letting go of control (which in the movie led to a "near-life experience" (as opposed to near-death)) and the favoring of self-destruction over self-improvement. I am repulsed by the movie's idea of self-destruction (basically all types of violence brought upon one's person by choice), but this may be translated to the more Christian ideal of dying to one's own wants and needs, rejecting the material things (just as in the movie) in order to be free to follow and imitate Jesus. So I was just thinking about all of the self-improvement that I talk about and try to do, especially as discussed in this blog. The movie says that self-improvement is just masturbation. And I would agree with that statement if anything I do is not fully directed to pleasing God and not myself. I need to let go of control of my life, deconstructing those aspects of my life that I hold onto for my own sense of control and security and pleasure so that God may be free to move within me and work through me to affect this world as God wills it. This is yet another call to change the attitudes with which I am motivated in order to be selfless in my attempts at self transformation/world transformation. I hope this results in less talking about it (as in this blog) and more praying. Less lip-service, more action.
Sunday, October 17
Saturday, October 16
Politics: opinions on the election, globalization
Well, lots of different things have entered into and influenced my thinking during this exam week (ie week of partial freedom from time restraints imposed by school). I read an article about the European Dream (as opposed to the American Dream) in Utne magazine. I have been reading Catherine de Hueck Doherty's The Gospel Without Compromise. I finally watched Fahrenheit 9/11. I also watched Fight Club today. It's been a lot to take in. Maybe I can start to process it here.
Okay, first off I should get it out there that I'm planning to vote for Kerry come 11/2. As much as I am Pro-Life, I have come to understand that abortion laws will not be changed any time soon. It would be better to support a candidate whose philosophy might lead to a treatment of the social conditions that lead to many abortions than to support a candidate who is making those conditions worse, and isn't all that Pro-Life anyway. Honestly, my vote for Kerry is more a vote against Bush. While I dislike the two party system dramatically limiting my options to support a candidate who actually holds the majority of my views, I accept that this is the present system within which we are living. And in order to successfully oust Bush, I am left with only one realistic choice. This is a vote of conscience for me because I cannot imagine giving Bush another four years to mess up the planet any more than he already has; I have to have hope that Kerry will be able to at least slow down the rate at which the United States messes up the world.
I mean, really, doesn't anyone else see the irony of Bush forcing "freedom [to be] on the march?" Any parallels to Monolithic Communism? Taking over countries so that they can assume your political system? This is the most blatant, and therefore most offensive to the world, form of globalization that the United States is trying to enact.
I guess this is where my watching Fight Club takes effect. I had never given much thought to the effects of globalization, or even what it was, until recently. The movie is basically (without getting into any of the plot at all) a portrayal of a very violent anti-globalization group. I read a review of the movie that helped me understand it a lot better for what it is, if you're interested. I came away from the movie and review thinking about what I've read in Gospel Without Compromise, which is the most recent call to love one's enemies that I've received. So the movie was good only in introducing me to this important issue of globalization.
The Utne article that I linked to above was cool because it presents an alternate worldview from the one the United States holds, that of Europe, or more specifically, the European Union, which I find to be a very cool thing indeed. I very much suggest reading the article. Unfortunately, as Europe has apparently evolved liberally, it has become greatly secularized (as the article says). Not that the United States is very far behind that trend. Despite this fact about European culture, I get the sense that I might be more compatible with the governing structures in Europe than in the United States. I'm not planning on moving an time soon, but I look forward to experiencing Europe in person.
I don't know if there's anything to say about Fahrenheit. Bush is bad. We need to get him out. I knew that before watching the movie. But it's nice to know that the message is reaching more voters.
To quote the bumperstickers on the back of my car (if only bikes had bumpers), "Choose Life. Not Bush."
Okay, first off I should get it out there that I'm planning to vote for Kerry come 11/2. As much as I am Pro-Life, I have come to understand that abortion laws will not be changed any time soon. It would be better to support a candidate whose philosophy might lead to a treatment of the social conditions that lead to many abortions than to support a candidate who is making those conditions worse, and isn't all that Pro-Life anyway. Honestly, my vote for Kerry is more a vote against Bush. While I dislike the two party system dramatically limiting my options to support a candidate who actually holds the majority of my views, I accept that this is the present system within which we are living. And in order to successfully oust Bush, I am left with only one realistic choice. This is a vote of conscience for me because I cannot imagine giving Bush another four years to mess up the planet any more than he already has; I have to have hope that Kerry will be able to at least slow down the rate at which the United States messes up the world.
I mean, really, doesn't anyone else see the irony of Bush forcing "freedom [to be] on the march?" Any parallels to Monolithic Communism? Taking over countries so that they can assume your political system? This is the most blatant, and therefore most offensive to the world, form of globalization that the United States is trying to enact.
I guess this is where my watching Fight Club takes effect. I had never given much thought to the effects of globalization, or even what it was, until recently. The movie is basically (without getting into any of the plot at all) a portrayal of a very violent anti-globalization group. I read a review of the movie that helped me understand it a lot better for what it is, if you're interested. I came away from the movie and review thinking about what I've read in Gospel Without Compromise, which is the most recent call to love one's enemies that I've received. So the movie was good only in introducing me to this important issue of globalization.
The Utne article that I linked to above was cool because it presents an alternate worldview from the one the United States holds, that of Europe, or more specifically, the European Union, which I find to be a very cool thing indeed. I very much suggest reading the article. Unfortunately, as Europe has apparently evolved liberally, it has become greatly secularized (as the article says). Not that the United States is very far behind that trend. Despite this fact about European culture, I get the sense that I might be more compatible with the governing structures in Europe than in the United States. I'm not planning on moving an time soon, but I look forward to experiencing Europe in person.
I don't know if there's anything to say about Fahrenheit. Bush is bad. We need to get him out. I knew that before watching the movie. But it's nice to know that the message is reaching more voters.
To quote the bumperstickers on the back of my car (if only bikes had bumpers), "Choose Life. Not Bush."
Thursday, October 14
Nature and the deceleration of my life
Today, it has been raining and in the high 50s. One of the things I love about Cross Country is that we run in any weather. Well, not when the weather is actually dangerous (like lightening), and last I checked, getting wet does not cause humans to melt. So we ran today. It was a timed run (where the pace doesn't really matter at all), then some long striders (aka sprints. well, almost), then a few hill repeats. Thursdays are normally hard (ie fast) practices, so this was actually a nice compromise on a rainy day.
The reason why I'm blogging about this practice is because it was fun. Or at least, I had fun doing it. It is so much fun to jump in puddles. To get my shoes soaked. To get all muddy.
When we started our timed run, my group's agenda was rather split between having fun/avoiding work (or any actual running) and focusing on hammering out the workout as instructed in spite of the weather conditions. A difference in agenda that eventually led to a split in the group. And I was happily in the middle, running as much as the focused people, but having fun, seeking out big puddles to splash through. So I just wanted to write this down as a reminder to myself of how much fun I can have with the right attitude, even while getting done what needs to get done.
Plus, nature is just wonderful. That's another thing about Cross Country. I get to spend at least two hours of every day outdoors in a huge park. The other day, I was on another run, and I passed a tree changing colors. It was still green in parts, then some yellow, some orange, a lot of red. And I was able, while still running, to just be so thankful to God for creating Creation. This is an accomplishment to do while running because being thankful at that moment meant a lot of arm gesturing towards the heavens.
I've also been noticing when I drive that the most beautiful and welcoming neighborhoods are the ones with huge trees growing every 30 feet. The more nature is left untouched, the more beauty can be found.
I road my bike yesterday to school and back home, which is about 6 or 7 miles. It took about 45 minutes. And I really like the pace of life that riding a bike requires. Or walking, or riding a bus. I think technology that makes everything fast and easy takes away so many opportunities to slow down and appreciate the life that is going on around you, whereas simpler modes of transportation or of eating or of doing any mundane activity forces you to slow down and take life in.
This post is the fulfillment of a habit I said I would like to start of keeping track of things that have an influence on me. Hopefully there will be more to come, if school allows. Speaking of school, that post several days ago was me needing to vent. But I have realized that my values have changed with relation to school. Getting straight A's is no longer something of absolute importance to me. I'm much more interested in having what I learn guide me to a better way of living. With a value shift comes a shift in priorities, and apparently, a shift in grades. School is a great thing. Education is certainly a very valuable thing to work towards. But the mind and all I have learned will eventually fade with my memory. My soul on the other hand, is eternal. My efforts to maintain and improve each should be distributed accordingly. I just wanted to tone down my raging of my school/idol post now that exam week has afforded me a clearer head and ample time to reopen communication with God. Thanks for your prayers.
Have fun; slow down; splash in puddles.
The reason why I'm blogging about this practice is because it was fun. Or at least, I had fun doing it. It is so much fun to jump in puddles. To get my shoes soaked. To get all muddy.
When we started our timed run, my group's agenda was rather split between having fun/avoiding work (or any actual running) and focusing on hammering out the workout as instructed in spite of the weather conditions. A difference in agenda that eventually led to a split in the group. And I was happily in the middle, running as much as the focused people, but having fun, seeking out big puddles to splash through. So I just wanted to write this down as a reminder to myself of how much fun I can have with the right attitude, even while getting done what needs to get done.
Plus, nature is just wonderful. That's another thing about Cross Country. I get to spend at least two hours of every day outdoors in a huge park. The other day, I was on another run, and I passed a tree changing colors. It was still green in parts, then some yellow, some orange, a lot of red. And I was able, while still running, to just be so thankful to God for creating Creation. This is an accomplishment to do while running because being thankful at that moment meant a lot of arm gesturing towards the heavens.
I've also been noticing when I drive that the most beautiful and welcoming neighborhoods are the ones with huge trees growing every 30 feet. The more nature is left untouched, the more beauty can be found.
I road my bike yesterday to school and back home, which is about 6 or 7 miles. It took about 45 minutes. And I really like the pace of life that riding a bike requires. Or walking, or riding a bus. I think technology that makes everything fast and easy takes away so many opportunities to slow down and appreciate the life that is going on around you, whereas simpler modes of transportation or of eating or of doing any mundane activity forces you to slow down and take life in.
This post is the fulfillment of a habit I said I would like to start of keeping track of things that have an influence on me. Hopefully there will be more to come, if school allows. Speaking of school, that post several days ago was me needing to vent. But I have realized that my values have changed with relation to school. Getting straight A's is no longer something of absolute importance to me. I'm much more interested in having what I learn guide me to a better way of living. With a value shift comes a shift in priorities, and apparently, a shift in grades. School is a great thing. Education is certainly a very valuable thing to work towards. But the mind and all I have learned will eventually fade with my memory. My soul on the other hand, is eternal. My efforts to maintain and improve each should be distributed accordingly. I just wanted to tone down my raging of my school/idol post now that exam week has afforded me a clearer head and ample time to reopen communication with God. Thanks for your prayers.
Have fun; slow down; splash in puddles.
Saturday, October 9
Hope Against Darkness, et al.
I recently finished reading a book for my theology class, entitled Hope Against Darkness, The Transforming Vision of Saint Francis in an Age of Anxiety, by Richard Rohr, and it was a very good book for me to have read. I learned a lot of new concepts from the book. I just wanted to name a few important ones.
There were a couple of things that paralleled things that I had already come to realize. Rohr describes two basic ways of behavior: fight or flight. He suggests that there is a third way (the way Jesus exemplifies) called compassionate knowing. This seems to me to be very similar to the idea behind my "man of peace" blog. He also said that "the best criticism of the bad is the practice of the better," which of course goes right along with the "world transformation through self transformation" thought I've discussed before. So that was cool.
But he also challenged me to growth in a very important way. One of the topics that he came back to several times throughout the book was that both liberals and conservatives are flawed in their worldviews. Obviously, his critique on liberals is what had an effect on me. He described how liberals, while very accepting of the broadness of humanity, have trouble acknowledging the vertical dimension of God. This translates to my experience because of my inclination to think in terms of social justice, often without the openness to God through prayer (which I do desire) to go along with it. (and conservatives exhibit the opposite phenomenon, if you were wondering) He also pointed out how critical liberals are of society, esp. authority figures. It just gave me something to think about. How critical am I? Of whom? I think I want to break that habit of being overly critical/sarcastic.
I also went to a Social Justice Night at SLU a couple weeks ago where Jim Wallis spoke on the topic of religion and politics. He stressed that God is not a republican or a democrat. I might post more on what I learned from that night later, but basically I am feeling challenged/called to not define myself so much as a liberal. I need to look at each issue separately, but through the lens of my faith, more than any political group. Most of my opinions will probably still end up being generally liberal, though.
Also, in theology class, I learned something new about Jesus. We read the first chapter of Meeting Jesus Again, a book I now want to read the rest of. It reinforces the human nature of Jesus. I had never fully realized or accepted how much Jesus limited himself when He became Incarnate. That he wasn't aware that he was the Messiah. It is still a very new perspective for me, so I have to reflect on it more before I can write more on it.
I also read an article about the celibacy of the clergy (reading ahead in theology class). It described how this vow allows a priest or sister to reform and redirect their sexuality so that when relating with other people, they are able to take a genuine and complete interest in that person in a very unarming, comforting, and loving way. So that led me to, one, appreciate the vow of celibacy a lot more, and two, reevaluate my own chastity (which I see as a single layperson's celibacy) to see how I can try to develop and grow in my ability to relate to people in this way. And that wouldn't have to end with marriage.
Speaking of vocations, with the hecticness of the schoolyear and with what I've been studying in my Modern Euro class about Protestantism, I am realizing that I need to gain a better understanding of the fundamental function and purpose of a priest before I can consider the priesthood. So I'll be working to educate myself. Pray for me as I go through these faith-strengthening doubts!
There were a couple of things that paralleled things that I had already come to realize. Rohr describes two basic ways of behavior: fight or flight. He suggests that there is a third way (the way Jesus exemplifies) called compassionate knowing. This seems to me to be very similar to the idea behind my "man of peace" blog. He also said that "the best criticism of the bad is the practice of the better," which of course goes right along with the "world transformation through self transformation" thought I've discussed before. So that was cool.
But he also challenged me to growth in a very important way. One of the topics that he came back to several times throughout the book was that both liberals and conservatives are flawed in their worldviews. Obviously, his critique on liberals is what had an effect on me. He described how liberals, while very accepting of the broadness of humanity, have trouble acknowledging the vertical dimension of God. This translates to my experience because of my inclination to think in terms of social justice, often without the openness to God through prayer (which I do desire) to go along with it. (and conservatives exhibit the opposite phenomenon, if you were wondering) He also pointed out how critical liberals are of society, esp. authority figures. It just gave me something to think about. How critical am I? Of whom? I think I want to break that habit of being overly critical/sarcastic.
I also went to a Social Justice Night at SLU a couple weeks ago where Jim Wallis spoke on the topic of religion and politics. He stressed that God is not a republican or a democrat. I might post more on what I learned from that night later, but basically I am feeling challenged/called to not define myself so much as a liberal. I need to look at each issue separately, but through the lens of my faith, more than any political group. Most of my opinions will probably still end up being generally liberal, though.
Also, in theology class, I learned something new about Jesus. We read the first chapter of Meeting Jesus Again, a book I now want to read the rest of. It reinforces the human nature of Jesus. I had never fully realized or accepted how much Jesus limited himself when He became Incarnate. That he wasn't aware that he was the Messiah. It is still a very new perspective for me, so I have to reflect on it more before I can write more on it.
I also read an article about the celibacy of the clergy (reading ahead in theology class). It described how this vow allows a priest or sister to reform and redirect their sexuality so that when relating with other people, they are able to take a genuine and complete interest in that person in a very unarming, comforting, and loving way. So that led me to, one, appreciate the vow of celibacy a lot more, and two, reevaluate my own chastity (which I see as a single layperson's celibacy) to see how I can try to develop and grow in my ability to relate to people in this way. And that wouldn't have to end with marriage.
Speaking of vocations, with the hecticness of the schoolyear and with what I've been studying in my Modern Euro class about Protestantism, I am realizing that I need to gain a better understanding of the fundamental function and purpose of a priest before I can consider the priesthood. So I'll be working to educate myself. Pray for me as I go through these faith-strengthening doubts!
changes to internet identity
For anyone who does not yet realize, I have changed my email from peace.mon(at)juno.com to tomcampbell.manofpeace(at)gmail.com. Juno was going to try to make me pay for the service I use. Also, I was getting tired of the mispelling of "man" in order to synthesis a Jamaican dialect.
I also recently (ie just now) changed my AIM screenname from sluhguy86 to pacis vir (I realize this particular announcement only affects approximately 3 readers of this blog). Pacis vir is latin for man of peace. It wasn't my first choice, but a whole lot of screennames are already taken. To name a few: "vir pacis" "man of peace" "pax et bonum" "peace and all good" "go in peace" "tom campbell" (I had to try). So for the three or four of you out there that both read this blog and use AIM, be sure to switch my sn to pacis vir. This change is basically because I am trying to define my identity less on the institutions and other various groups of humans with which I'm involved, focusing more on the bigger picture: universal concerns, God. I just realized this action also goes well with my last post. Not consciously intentional.
I also recently (ie just now) changed my AIM screenname from sluhguy86 to pacis vir (I realize this particular announcement only affects approximately 3 readers of this blog). Pacis vir is latin for man of peace. It wasn't my first choice, but a whole lot of screennames are already taken. To name a few: "vir pacis" "man of peace" "pax et bonum" "peace and all good" "go in peace" "tom campbell" (I had to try). So for the three or four of you out there that both read this blog and use AIM, be sure to switch my sn to pacis vir. This change is basically because I am trying to define my identity less on the institutions and other various groups of humans with which I'm involved, focusing more on the bigger picture: universal concerns, God. I just realized this action also goes well with my last post. Not consciously intentional.
My education: a form of idolatry?
I'm now nearing the end of the first quarter of the school year. And I'm having some trouble appreciating the education I'm getting. Or supposed to be getting, if I weren't sleep-deprived.
That's right, Tom Campbell is struggling with school. Well, two classes in particular, but I see a broader problem in the system. The reason that I've been struggling in these two classes (Shakespeare and AP Modern European History, if you were wondering) is that I procrastinate.
And I procrastinate in order to overcome my perfectionism (if I wait until the last minute, I am finally able to let go of my expectation of perfection. I know; I'm sick. It's definitely a habit I want to break). But that is a separate issue.
I put off the homework by doing the things that I actually want to be doing. (This most affects these two classes because the assignments are long term or without a definite due date, allowing me to procrastinate the most on these assignments.) This is stuff like reading and writing emails (to continue to maintain and develop friendships), reading, blogging/reflecting/pondering. I also spend a lot of time on my theology homework because I enjoy and get the most out of that class. I feel that that class is the most relevant to my life, so I do that homework first, I spend more time doing it, and I even read ahead because I find the material so interesting/relevant.
I also on occasion have to spend more than the usual amount of time focusing on physical needs. With being in the midst of my Cross Country season, my body needs this attention. Some nights, especially after a hard workout, I simply need to nap before I could possibly do homework. Or sometimes I sense that I haven't been getting enough (or have been burning too many, via running) calories, so I have to spend more time snacking and eating dinner.
My question is, why should I not be able to do all of these other things that are important and/or necessary and also be able to do all of my homework? The problem I see with this system of education is a simple one. Too much "learning" or material to cover is being demanded in too small of a time. I should be able to go to school, participate in cocurricular activites, do all of my homework, do other things that are important to my growth as a person that are outside of school, AND get a full night of sleep.
School crams as much education as possible into the nine months of the school year, and then we have 3 months of summer in which nothing is demanded of my brain. I suppose I'm recognizing the benefits of a year-round school calendar. I know I could use the three months of summer much more productively than I have in the past. But I have a problem with internal motivation. It's another good habit that I need to develop. Perhaps I'm just having a major problem with time management. I do admit that I am guilty of misusing some of my time and that is a part of my problem. But I don't see the things I've named above as a misuse of time, and therefore, I don't see why I have to struggle to fit them in.
A couple weeks ago, realizing how badly I was doing in a few of my classes, I gave in and stopped trying to keep up with these other important things in order to completely focus on my schoolwork and try to salvage the quarter. Is that what is expected of me: to give all of my attention and energy to school? Without the extra time that I would like to spend on theology class, I have to admit that I have no time or energy to devote to any kind of prayer life or to developing my relationship with God. I missed going to daily mass every day this past week. And when I'm falling asleep of exhaustion before I've even finished all of my homework, there's no way that I could pray at the end of my day. Something is seriously wrong when I have to make my education a god.
I will be working to correct the things that I am doing wrong on my part, but I expect more than that is needed. I ask that you pray for me, that I have enough time to pray.
That's right, Tom Campbell is struggling with school. Well, two classes in particular, but I see a broader problem in the system. The reason that I've been struggling in these two classes (Shakespeare and AP Modern European History, if you were wondering) is that I procrastinate.
And I procrastinate in order to overcome my perfectionism (if I wait until the last minute, I am finally able to let go of my expectation of perfection. I know; I'm sick. It's definitely a habit I want to break). But that is a separate issue.
I put off the homework by doing the things that I actually want to be doing. (This most affects these two classes because the assignments are long term or without a definite due date, allowing me to procrastinate the most on these assignments.) This is stuff like reading and writing emails (to continue to maintain and develop friendships), reading, blogging/reflecting/pondering. I also spend a lot of time on my theology homework because I enjoy and get the most out of that class. I feel that that class is the most relevant to my life, so I do that homework first, I spend more time doing it, and I even read ahead because I find the material so interesting/relevant.
I also on occasion have to spend more than the usual amount of time focusing on physical needs. With being in the midst of my Cross Country season, my body needs this attention. Some nights, especially after a hard workout, I simply need to nap before I could possibly do homework. Or sometimes I sense that I haven't been getting enough (or have been burning too many, via running) calories, so I have to spend more time snacking and eating dinner.
My question is, why should I not be able to do all of these other things that are important and/or necessary and also be able to do all of my homework? The problem I see with this system of education is a simple one. Too much "learning" or material to cover is being demanded in too small of a time. I should be able to go to school, participate in cocurricular activites, do all of my homework, do other things that are important to my growth as a person that are outside of school, AND get a full night of sleep.
School crams as much education as possible into the nine months of the school year, and then we have 3 months of summer in which nothing is demanded of my brain. I suppose I'm recognizing the benefits of a year-round school calendar. I know I could use the three months of summer much more productively than I have in the past. But I have a problem with internal motivation. It's another good habit that I need to develop. Perhaps I'm just having a major problem with time management. I do admit that I am guilty of misusing some of my time and that is a part of my problem. But I don't see the things I've named above as a misuse of time, and therefore, I don't see why I have to struggle to fit them in.
A couple weeks ago, realizing how badly I was doing in a few of my classes, I gave in and stopped trying to keep up with these other important things in order to completely focus on my schoolwork and try to salvage the quarter. Is that what is expected of me: to give all of my attention and energy to school? Without the extra time that I would like to spend on theology class, I have to admit that I have no time or energy to devote to any kind of prayer life or to developing my relationship with God. I missed going to daily mass every day this past week. And when I'm falling asleep of exhaustion before I've even finished all of my homework, there's no way that I could pray at the end of my day. Something is seriously wrong when I have to make my education a god.
I will be working to correct the things that I am doing wrong on my part, but I expect more than that is needed. I ask that you pray for me, that I have enough time to pray.
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