Store Wars

There is a funny video my dad showed me that I'd like to share. It's in the same spirit of copyright infringment that The Meatrix was created in.

It is about organically grown foods (as opposed to genetically modified food).

There seems to be a trend with videos and how food is raised. Hmm.

That is all.

Welcome to the real world

I am officially and ceremonially a graduate. I've answered the same questions so many times. Here are the answers: actually, I feel about the same. I'll be going to SLU. Well, I'm not exactly sure what I'm going to study. Philosophy or theology -you know- nothing practical.

There, I said it. Stop asking me.

But it was fun. We had a mass and dinner friday night, which was good. I won a scholarship award unexpectedly. So that's good, I guess. Taking it from the completely false perspective of God as an accountant (counting how many good and bad things I've done and deciding my fate based on the balance), it seems like an award recognizing service kind of cancels it out- heavenwise. Bah, at least I can pay down more of my college debt-to-be! And saturday was the graduation ceremony at Powell (where the symphony plays, for non-Saintlouisans). I felt like a celebrity, with everyone taking our picture and sitting on stage. And sweating. I must say the white tuxs were pretty hot. In more ways than one. Immediately following the ceremony, I had my graduation party. Good food, good music (that I picked out), good people, lots of cash/check shaped envelopes. All around good, really. And finally, immediately following the party, I went to my lock-in. I didn't wake up sunday until 5:20pm. And of course I didn't sleep last night at all either. Which won't be beneficial tonight, having work tomorrow morning at 8am.

Work. ugh. It's really bringin' me down. And it is prostitution, honestly, because I'm selling me for a time to do something I don't especially enjoy and is even harming me. Physically and mentally. More mentally. My poor ears. So much cussing and discussing (which very appropriately has the word "cussing" within it) matters of a licentious nature. I've noticed a change in my behavior after only one week. I was very curt, to say the least, with my mom friday. She said I was acting like a teenager for the first time. "They" say that this summer is the worst for arguments with parents- the summer before college. I hope that doesn't come true.

Nonetheless, I've still noticed a change. Like in my exclamations of disapproval. A common one used to be "shoot." It's already to the point of being "ack" or "uck." Not a short step there to you know where. Cuss words are annoying to me. And not just because they are thrown in every third word with the guys I work with (and they never stop talking). Really, most of the time, the "cuss" word has nothing to do with what you are cussing at. I mean, what does dropping your hammer have to do with excrement? And why is so much attention paid to the breeding of cattle? Or pregnant dogs? Or genitalia in general? I guess it's for the shock value- taking a taboo subject and throwing it into daily conversation to add emphasis. Emphasis duly noted, thanks.

So I may be investing in an iPod shortly to escape from my own little sodom and gommorah. Even though I don't like the idea of headphones (cutting me off from any chance of actual human contact) or the materialistic nature of such a shiny and expensive device.

It really is a complete culture shock, and at this point, I don't know how I'll survive the summer (not that I'll be contracting any STDs from this prostitution. Well. Let's hope not).

I'm such a prostitute

I started my summer job today. I am working with a company that buys, rehabs, and then sells houses. I'm rehabbing. It's manual labor and running errands to home depot. Exciting.

Actually, it is a little exciting. I kind of enjoy the idea that it's a blue collar job. I'll be learning skills that I can apply later. Well, today, I only scraped paint and cleared a fence of a massive growth of honeysuckle (both prep for painting). It's hard work- took all day. But it's nice to be physically tired for a change (as opposed to mentally). Hey, maybe I'll put on some muscle with all this manual labor. I need to pack bigger lunches.

The guys I worked with today were nice. This is their full time job. And it has been since they were preteens (only a slight exaggeration). Tim and John. Brothers. I spent the most time with Tim. He has six years experience in the construction industry. He looks (and acts- connect the dots) like he's about 23 years old. He's 17. I don't know how old John is. They're good at their jobs, and I will learn a lot from them.

(I wonder what they would think if they knew I was listening to Enya and blogging about my day. Their musical tastes are decidedly different from mine- gangsta rap and hard rock. This summer will be an education, I'm sure)

A series of 6 posts too small to stand alone

Prom was last friday night. I went with Sara, of course. We took pictures in Tower Grove park. It was so beautiful, and my mom was such a professional photographer that I decided not to pay for an actual professional photo with a blue background and single fern. Dinner was good. I ate slowly, which is normal for me when I'm eating vegetables. The table conversation was, um, interesting. Very entertaining, of course, if risque. And then the dancing. Oh the dancing. Well, the dj certainly left something to be desired. Over 90% of the music was rap. Which is understandable. Rap has a strong beat and is generally very easy to dance to (how would you dance to rock music? like AC/DC?). But still, it got old. And there were only 3 slow songs the whole night. Disappointing. But I did have a lot of fun dancing with my friends, in spite of it all. The sugar eventually wore off, and I got weary of dancing, but that's to be expected. I apparently surprised several of my classmates with my "wild side" on the dance floor. And in a good way, nonetheless. Woot. Then we went to a classmate's house for an afterparty. I didn't know what to expect, so it was a little boring. But at least it was clean. And any time spent with Paul and Joey is going to be enjoyable. It was a good end to a great day.

I did a total of 15 minutes of studying for my 3 exams this week. So summer really started Friday. Or last Tuesday, even- after turning in my history paper. There is a lot I'd like to do this summer. I'll be seeing about a summer job friday morning. Other than that distasteful engagement, I'd like to camp, hike, swim, bike. Maybe take a trip to Colorado? I'd like to read every day. I have a bad habit of not finishing books that I'd like to break. I'll have Project Life, the service retreat that remains a major turning point in my life, one last time. I'll get ready for college. I want to explore St. Louis more fully- Botanical Gardens, Left Bank bookstore, the Art Museum, Central library, and Soulard Market. I'd like to picnic with friends. Maybe even under the arch? I will sleep 8 hours a night and still wake up by mid morning. I'll practice my cooking skills. Take guitar lessons. Learn massage therapy. Learn yoga. Meditate. Maybe begin to learn some German. I'll keep volunteering at Karen House. I'm interested in exploring the bus routes- get lost by bus and find my way back by bus. And finally, I want to explore other churches, especially the Society of Friends congregation close to me. So I'll be busy, to say the least. And I didn't even mention all of the time just hanging out with friends.

One of my friends is going to a really cool college, called Northland. Their emphasis is on environmental stewardship, something I'd like to bring to Saint Louis University more fully. I'm a little jealous of his college choice. It does sound like a really cool place. I was realizing last night that I have no sense of what phase the moon is in right now. And I found that disturbing. I think Northland is a place where you'd be aware of such a thing. That doesn't mean I can't be aware of it on my own. SLU is a somewhat homogenous environment. I anticipate with pleasure spicing it up.

A mentor of mine from school/Karen House shared with me the reality of the disconnection I would experience if I cut myself completely off from entertainment. While I won't have much time for such activities anyway, I think I should just focus on cutting out the crap. I do truly enjoy some television shows- like Gilmore Girls. And even the Simpsons. I don't know why my parents prevented me from watching such an involved and educational show growing up. I certainly watched worse things (that were not cartoons) growing up. I'll have to wait and see what my roommate will be like to know how much entertainment I'll be taking in, at least for the first year of college.

I am intelligent, but I am also very slow. This became readily apparent to me this past school year, sharing so many classes with Paul. His wit is quick, and he always has something interesting and worthwhile to say. I'd like to emulate him, develop critical thinking more. There is a document jesuit high schools use, the graduate at graduation. It outlines where a graduate of the high school should be after four years of jesuit education: open to growth, intellectually competent, religious, loving, and committed to justice. I personally think I'm ready to graduate, based on those criteria. But I've also realized that I have not been trying my best in school. I've been coasting- distracted by other, probably less important things. I want to do my best in everything I do. It's a little late for high school, but I'd like to apply my former work ethic to whatever I'll be doing in the immediate future.

If you looked up "confessional style blogging" in the dictionary, you'd find the address for this site. I've decided that I'm comfortable with the world knowing what is going on inside my mind and life. I haven't gone into every corner of my life, and I could never share all of it, but I'm making progress. This blog is like the safety drawers they have at gas stations for the cashiers, protecting them from robbery/attack. It is a safe place, a go-between, where I can put my "thoughts, opinions, journals" out there, and then anyone can come freely and see what I'm up to. I don't think I could ever talk about all of this stuff out loud to a group of people- not for very long, at least. But this medium helps me open up and think out loud "on paper" and share those thoughts. I understand wanting privacy from unwanted outside intrusion, but I don't personally feel a need to keep much of my life private. What do I want to hide, and from whom? What's the point? I could seriously be missing something big, so please let me know what the benefit of anonymity is.

Swooning under the Sun

Unfortunately today, I was shirtless as well as shoeless for the soccer game, so my shoulders and upper back are now a nice shade of reddish pink. I definitely need to find a balance there. Because I need vitamin D (I'm at risk for Rickets as a vegetarian, apparently), but I don't need melanoma. Vitamin D would be in plentiful supply if I spent as much time outside as I should. It allows me to absorb calcium.

Too much protein, on the other hand, leaches calcium from my body. So when I'm busy putting on muscle this summer, it'll be with good fats and complex carbs.

Having recreated profusely, I sweated a lot. I enjoy sweating. It's not something to be disgusted by. It is the body's natural cooling system (prevented from effective use by ozone-destroying air conditioners). As such, I am compelled to state (in defiance of all that is polite and euphemistic) that women do, in fact, sweat. If they are glistening, that is caused by something entirely different (I don't know what that something might be, but women certainly don't glisten as a response to increased body temperature). I feel cleansed when I sweat (I'd really like to try a sauna). I will concede that one does get dirty while sweating, not from the sweat itself, but from the dirt your wet body picks up from the air. So I am quite due for my semiweekly shower (and I do enjoy showers quite a bit, by the way). Perhaps my sense of smell is not 100%, because I am not nearly as offended by "body odor" as most people. All I have to say is, if you find your BO to be rather offensive to yourself, look at what you're eating. Needless to say, I haven't used deodorant (and certainly not anti-perspirant) since I was about 13. If anyone who is reading this has had a bad experience of my own body odor, please let me know (that's what friends are for). I find my own BO repugnant only after sweating while nervous, like during an AP Environmental Science Exam. Otherwise, I like the notion of my pheromones being sent out into the world.

While I'm on the topic of self-grooming, I'm growing a mustache, if anyone hasn't noticed the blonde wisps on my upper lip yet. I don't like shaving. I shave my few chin hairs every once in a while simply because a few long chin hairs would look pretty silly. But as soon as whatever hormonal stage I have left kicks in, you can be sure I'll be sporting my attempt at a full head of facial hair. Like I said earlier, hair is supposed to be a sign of maturity. We are most hairy where we perspire the most, so I assume hair serves some synergistic purpose with sweat to help us stay cool. With that reasoning, I'll have a very effective and oh-so-natural personal cooling system in place in no time. No batteries required.

Barefooting

I have weak feet. They have always had tender soles. My arches have been so weak that it felt like there was some little bone popping with each step. And during the month of February, my toes ached for no apparent reason, making the wearing of shoes unbearable. Luckily, my highschool allows sandals year-round.

As a person who believes that the body should be allowed to be free of clothes, I recently made the next logical step that shoes are indeed clothing for the foot, preventing the foot from contact with the world.

There is a line in a poem by Gerard Manley Hopkins, a poem discussing how civilization has smeared God's creation- but creation is never completely defeated, about being shod. Just a throwback to sophomore theology class.

But anyway, I suddenly realized that I'd like to be barefoot a lot more. Sure, my feet will experience some discomfort at first, but it will be just glorious to constantly be in direct contact with my environment all the time as I grow accustomed to it. People were obviously barefoot for a long time before shoes were created. It is the natural way to be. And the surfaces people walked on weren't any safer back then than they are now.

There is evidence that the human form developed as a result of gaining the ability to run. And that running was obviously done barefoot! Shoes make all of us, even runners, lazy. So you can be sure that I'll be spending a lot of my time barefoot this summer. And maybe try a little barefoot running while I'm at it.

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Update [5/18/05]
I forgot to say that I walked through the park sunday for a good part of the afternoon barefoot. It was a fun time. The little pebbles on the asphalt paths and the sweetgum balls caused some problems, though.

I played a pickup game of soccer barefoot with fellow seniors after the senior/faculty luncheon. Which was, again, very fun. I have a huge blister on the ball of my right foot. I can't wait til my feet can easily withstand such use.

Foot odor is only caused by wearing shoes. If your barefeet stink, try washing them and then not putting shoes back on. Feet need air, too.

This is the last day of my education so far

Today was my last day of high school. Friday the 13th. It is a great day so far. I ate so much sugar today. And last night. Oh my gosh- so much sugar. We had two final project presentations in Greek today, and one of them was two of my good friends singing The Wall in Greek. So that has been in my head all day ("NO DARK SARCASM IN THE CLASSROOM, TEACHER LEAVE THOSE KIDS ALONE"). It was the theme song for my day. Quite glorious.

I eat lunch outside on the upper field (equivalent of a "quad"), and today we played a game we just made up yesterday. It's not very complicated: hacky sack with a raquetball. SO much fun (if you're hopped up on sugar already). I would describe it as migratory recreation. We went wherever the ball went. Oh, and I was in my barefeet for the game. So my feet are very black on bottom. It's awesome. I definitely want to toughen up my feet, go barefoot a lot more.

The end of the school day kind of sucked. There is a senior tradition called the Running of the Bills in which we run around the halls of school right before the final bell (some people choosing to trash the underclassmen lockers (who foolishly left them unlocked)). But my last teacher, Mr. Cummings (which is actually an appropriate name for a teacher in the phallically obsessed english department), would not let us out of the room. He's been a huge jerk about just about everything this year, so I was kind of expecting it. But I really hate that I let him put me in a bad mood on my last day of school/first day of freedom.

But now I'm looking forward with intense excitement to the merriment to ensue in just a few short hours. (Promenade, of course) I should go get ready. (Like wash my black feet) (and not my car)

Learning is fun! & Why am I a pacifist?

As the school year comes to a close, I can look back now and actually see that I truly enjoyed this year. I mean, of course, I stressed myself out much more than I needed to by my constant cycle of procrastination and racing to get some work done. But nevertheless, I realized that I liked my classes, I liked my teachers (for the most part), and I liked the people I was taking those classes with (that last part was key, I think). And the reason senior year was the best was because I had choices. I was taking classes that I was actually interested in. And, thank God, I did not have any math. That probably made all the difference right there. Because I remember struggling to get through the weeks because I was so bored/tired of the material I was being forced to learn. Not so this year. It is actually a little sad to see it ending just when it was really getting good.

To completely change directions, I was wondering to myself if I am predisposed to be a "good kid" and a pacifist and such because of things I've had little control over. Here's what I'm talking about: even though I'm tall, I'm also really skinny (like really. freakishly, even), so I've always been sort of a wimp. Or at least that's how I perceived myself. And in that position I was placed in (or maybe placed myself in), it's a pretty beneficial step to be really nice to everyone and to claim that I'm a pacifist. Almost like a defense mechanism itself: if I can't defend myself physically, then I'll hide behind morals and pity. Maybe. I don't know. Just examining possible ulterior motives. Not to be denying free will, but it's probably generally true that when someone is gifted with a big, muscular body, they're more inclined to use it aggressively. Just because they are more able. I really like the person I'm growing into, and if it's a result of my body, that's not necessarily a bad thing. But would I be who I am today if I was given a different body? I don't know.

I have plans to bulk up this summer, anyway. So I guess we'll see!

I, countercultural?

A lot of the aspects of society I find myself protesting these days are things that the majority of people (Americans) take for granted. They are accepted because that is what has been handed down to them.

Like work. The whole idea of selling your time and energy to someone else to be put towards someone else's goals and profit does not make sense to me. Maybe I'm valuing my individual free will a little too much, but why is selling a large portion of your life away any better than prostitution? Of course, a lucky minority actually enjoys their jobs and the time and energy they expend getting paid does still provide personal fulfillment (beyond pleasing your boss). But I wouldn't want to taint the pursuit of personal fulfillment through work with getting paid. If everyone was enabled to do what they really wanted to without the pursuit of money getting in the way, I wonder if money would still be necessary. I wonder if people would be more inclined to share their work, whatever it is, with others freely, knowing that someone would return the favor in some other way sometime. Just a utopian thought for the day.

And then today, when I arrived home from school, my mom was washing her car with my brother. She started to wash mine, too- just playfully, mostly to get me wet with the drifting mist of the spray. This is a very normal thing for people to do. It was a wonderful, hot day, and people wash their cars on the first warm day to come around. But I, with my knowledge of the very real shortage of water in many parts of the world, cringed at the wasted water. Cars do not need to be clean; there are no negative impacts from driving a dirty car (although my mom says that the paint lasts longer when it's clean). The US government subsidizes water so that the price paid by us customers is relatively cheap. And when something is cheap, there is no motivation to conserve it. Countries in Europe charge a lot more for their water, and they use less as a result. This may not seem like a good idea to you, but it most certainly sounds like a good idea to those areas in the world with no rivers, little percipitation, and a depleted aquifer (no water in the well).

I recently took an Ecological Footprint Quiz for my catholic social teaching class. With my current lifestyle of driving an old inefficient car alone and eating packaged food (and fruit shipped all the way from chile), I learned that if everyone lived as I do (even as a vegetarian), there would need to be 3.1 worlds to supply the demand. Well, I plan on tomorrow being the last day I drive my car in a while. I just switched my light bulb to one of the compact fluorescent variety (and the light doesn't look any harsher, by the way). I definitely want to start shopping at Soulard farmers' market before I even think about going to the supermarket. There will always be room for growth in this area, especially in our earthwrecking culture.

The idea that women need to shave their body hair is widely accepted as fact. This, despite the fact that it only became the fashion early to mid 20th century. It was a fashion! Those are supposed to be transient. But women have received the message that if they don't shave, they are (for some reason) ugly (in all their splendid naturalness). Of course, it could quite possibly just be a personal preference for some women, but if their actions are soley based on society's dictation of what is beautiful and what is not, then I don't think that is a healthy behavior. On the rare occasion that I see a woman with unshorn armpits, I am filled with respect for her confidence in her womanhood. Hair, after all, is a sign of maturity.


So those are just a few countercultural views I've been jonesin' to share for a while. It certainly has been a while (a month even?). There's something about the end of a school year that isn't conducive to blogging (see 2004 archives at this time of year for further proof). I believe I'm past the worst of it now. I guess we'll have to see what college brings to challenge the future of this blog. But that's not for another few months.