Man of peace?

I was just having a conversation with a friend on instant messanger, and my screen name (pacis vir (man of peace)) came up, as it often does. My attitude towards the ideal of peace has changed since I first created that screen name (and my email address, for that matter).

I don't really ever expect for there to be world peace. The lion will never lay down next to the sheep. The lion will always be hungry, and the sheep will always be yummy. The object most often refered to when talking about world peace is war, war of the scale that it is carried out today, war that is never called war anymore, unless its against some abstract concept like drugs or terrorism, never against the people actually dying because of it. And I could see that the total war, or war aiming at the total destruction of the enemy, could come to an end at some point in the future, along with the collapse of civilization itself (our culture's total war against the earth). Even then, it's not like earth is suddenly going to be devoid of all conflict. Conflict is okay- natural, if you like. Personal skirmishes happen. Humans aren't perfect. They can work little stuff like that out, and it's not going to threaten the continued existence of the rest of the planet. My call for world peace in this sense is by no means utopian or idyllic. But I'm not going to idly stand by waiting for "world peace" by means of a collapse of civilization. That can come whenever it wants to. But I'm going to make a space for peace in my own life here and now, and in that way, I can still be a man of peace. I am not a confrontational person, to a fault; I crave having right relationships with everyone around me, and in the past this has led me to feel the need to be perfect for other people, tailoring myself to their needs and expectations. Somehow, I would like to get over my fears of confrontation (anything more than the debate going on through this blog (like in person) would totally fluster me), and still be able to find a balance between having right relationships with people and being true to myself all the time as well. Perhaps this is the first period in my life that I am able to have actual right relationships with people, as I bear my soul for others to accept as they will. Honesty is a virtue I highly prize. On the other hand, several people in my life over the last few years have tried to describe for me the value of anonymity in being able to go about one's business without anyone taking notice or caring what you are up to, and there is something in that that is attractive as well, having as well a craving for solitude as a basic part of my personality.

I'm babbling now. I don't really know what I was trying to say, but at least these are my own thoughts and not regurgitated from a book I've read. At least.