This is pretty much exactly the reason why I haven't been blogging as of late. (comic from xkcd)

I really want to be able to just live without habitually thinking about how whatever I'm doing can make me look good to someone else. I've been an internet addict, and showcasing myself on this blog has been part of that addiction. I've begun to wean myself off the internet, gradually. I no longer feel the compulsive need to check my email all the time or refresh my feedreader five times a day. Actually, what I've done that has allowed me to get some distance away from the computer and spend some quality time with the real world is get really into food. I love food. Not just eating it, but even more so, playing with it. The vacuum of time I found myself freefalling in that I used to wastefully fill up retracing my steps over and over again on the internet I now spend fermenting, sourdoughing, sprouting, cooking, baking, washing dishes, reading really interesting cookbooks (like wild fermentation or nourishing traditions), and yes, eating. Certainly I still inevitably get on the computer towards the end of each night to check in with the goings-on of the cyberworld, but it no longer demands my near-constant attention as it used to.

Now food does that. And I'm much happier because of it.

My diet has actually undergone a pretty substantial revolution in the past month or two. I gave up peanut butter cold turkey. I don't fully know how or why I did it , but one day I was still eating my regular lunchtime meal of a humongous peanut butter sandwich (with the layer of pb between the slices of bread being as wide as one of the slices of bread) and the next day I found something else to eat instead. Pbj's (or for some lengthy intermittent spans of time, pb's) had been my lunchtime staple since I was two- throughout my childhood as a picky eater, thriving even more as I became vegetarian, and carrying me through my most recent period of purgatory hovering between vegetarianism and omnivorism. I suppose a couple things changed at once that allowed me to make the transition from constantly fatigued pb-fanatic to my present nutritionally healthy state. 1) my attempts at souring dough finally suceeded and I began to regularly consume sourdough pancakes, and 2) I started getting high quality bacon and grass fed burgers from a natural food store. A couple weeks after quitting pb, I was looking for a quick bite before going out, and I grabbed a spoonful of peanut butter only to find that it now tastes nowhere near as good as it used to (actually, more bad than good). So I'm pronouncing myself cured of my peanut butter addiction, as well as very happily an omnivore again.

If you're curious, my meals these days often go something like this: an apple first thing in the morning (granny smith's are my current favorite), then often a sourdough pancake, with butter and real (grade b) maple syrup on top, then often in the afternoon sometime a salad of sorts consisting of whatever sprouts I have going (wheat berries, quinoa, clover) mixed with some Ezekiel brand sprouted cereal, flax seeds, and whole-fat yogurt. And every few days I have a midday meal of meat, taking care to include as much saturated fat as possible. I usually have some form of eggs for dinner- an omelet or a couple over easy or scrambled or "in a (sourdough) basket". Oh yeah!, I've also made two loafs of real sourdough bread, one breadpan shaped and one round. And I've made two pumpkin pies with sourdough crusts. On halloween, instead of eating refined sugar, I made "urban legend" cookies with Rapadura and whole wheat flour, which the family enjoyed very much as well. I also gave up caffeine, except in chocolate form of course, so I've been exploring the world of herbal teas (mmm, especially with raw honey). I've also been taking bee pollen as a whole food/superfood vitamin supplement (I can't wait till spring comes to see how much it'll mitigate my seasonal allergies!). I cook with either olive or coconut oil, depending on the dish, and I bake with organic butter. I just made a batch of nut bars the other day, but they're really rich! (I used almonds, cashews, brazils, dates, and maples syrup, in decreasing order of amounts) I got a headache the first day from eating two and a half bars, and I won't be making that mistake again. I've got several different juices fermenting wildly right now- apple, grape, cranberry/blueberry. And I've still got some of my blueberry mead left. It's aging beautifully, but unfortunately I made the mistake once of shaking up the dregs before serving it to some friends. I like the dregs! But my friends don't.

Other than preparing, cooking, and eating food, I've also been dreaming of growing it again. I've recovered fully from my detour away from permaculture with Devin and now eagerly await to play with the space my family has made available to me in our yard. This is still one area where I can only read up on right now and can't do much yet except sheet mulch the beds, continue composting, and tinker with a homemade rainwater catchment system (so far, my problem is that the trashcan I'm diverting the water into fills up too fast and overflows! I've just reconnected the pipes to run into the sewer for winter, but I eagerly await holding onto and fully utilizing that water in the spring (perhaps even filtering some of it to drink?). Right now my vision for the garden is of a woodland edge garden, as that would fit the space I have availabe perfectly for now. If I were to stay here with my family on a more longterm basis, I would want to start maybe convincing them to let me turn the side yard into an orchard, and all of the yard behind the house, and down the back hill, and even in front of the house (you know that narrow strip of grass between the sidewalk and the street- I'm thinking a male and female couple of some undetermined species (probably an apple). That brings me to a question I've been pondering- If I were to build this woodland edge garden, and I only had room for one tree to start out with, what tree would be best to use? I want it to provide some food (either fruit or nut) and, since it's a forest of one, it of course needs to not need a mate to pollinate. I'm still researching, but if anyone has a suggestion, feel free to leave a comment. I'm also excited about using mushrooms in the garden, specifically mycocorrhizal fungi. And maybe with all the leaf mulch I've put down, I could grow some edible fungus too, perhaps the king stropharia. Other than the mycogrow, I really have no clue yet what I'll end up putting in. I'm trying to try out a lot of new fruits and nuts that could possibly be grown, but most just can't be found, even in a farmer's market (I'm thinking gooseberries, juneberrys, currants, and the like). There's a mulberry bush growing right next to our property line that I hope the neighbors leave alone long enough to fruit. We used to have a fruiting mulberry bush/tree ourselves until my family had the yard completely redone with dirt to level the side yard (where a house once stood) and fill in the empty concrete carlot, creating a hill down to the alley. The mulberry tree was actually perched right on the edge of the yard , hanging over the empty parking space like the magnificent weed it was. I don't think we ever ate any of the berries. Just complained about the birds pooping purple on our cars. At the same time as we had the fill dirt put in and sodded over it all, we also put in a concrete slab of a basketball court (this was all ten years ago when I was still ascending towards the peak in my fanaticism about basketball). Now I dream about tearing up that concrete to plant trees in great full southern light. Maybe someday. . .