Soul mates

My aunt just got engaged! It is quite exciting. From the perspective of me, it'll be rad to have an uncle, finally. They've only known each other for 10 months. I guess when you know, you know (now that's a brilliant statement). They do have very similar views and values.

My question (for myself) is how do you know? Is it based on how similar the people are, or their values? What other objective things are there? Or is it primarily based on subjective areas such as feelings? I suppose being as mature as they are helps a lot. I still have to learn a lot more about my self before I could presume to know what kind of soul mate I would have. Hmm, in Good Will Hunting, the psychiatrist askes Will if he has a soul mate, describing a soul mate as someone who challenges you (to growth?).

I don't know. In the midst of the excitement, I just started to think about these questions. I'll try to sort through it for myself, but insights are welcome as always.

SLUHstrong

I had hoped that the livestrong craze had finally died down. I have nothing against donations to charity; I would just prefer that the donations are motivated by a genuine interest in the charity instead of participating in a fad. I understand that it started among actual Lance Armstrong fans, in support of him and his charity, but it quickly became the cool thing to do. And now I doubt whether the majority of those that wear those little yellow bands really care about Lance Armstrong or his charity at all. I know, it's still great for the charity, but fads are really annoying nonetheless.

Of course, my school (esp. being comprised of a good portion of very wealthy people) was very susceptible to the fad. There have been yellow, pink, orange, and red "rubberbands" swinging on the wrists of my classmates through the halls throughout the semester, "supporting" various causes. Now we have two new colors, blue and white (our school colors, for the ignoramus). The blue says "SLUHstrong", and the white, "LiveSLUH." This doesn't have any specific charity associated with it to my knowledge, just extra funds for STUCO (at $2/band (minus having them made which I believe was ~$1.85)). And lots of people were dishing out the $4 for the two pieces of plastic. I would guess that anyone who bought the Livestrong bands also bought the SLUHstrong bands. I have no idea how many more converts to the fad were made through this ploy.

One might accuse me of not having school spirit. If school spirit means submitting to peer pressure and becoming one in a crowd, then I don't want any part of that kind of school spirit. Of course the same kind of peer pressure was present when we were ordering our class rings last year (esp. when the few who chose not to purchase one became known). Class rings and letterjackets are both part of the SLUH tradition, not a fad. So I do have a class ring and a letterjacket (both purchases were made before my current beliefs/opinions on animal rights and poverty were formed, respectively, though. also the importance I put in tradition has probably lessened some since then, as well.). I am not objecting to the expression of school spirit or identification with the school through symbols, just doing so with this passing fad.


I've noticed that in my recent posts I've been unusually critical and opinionated. I apoligize to anyone reading this who goes away more disgruntled than usual. It may just be the mood I'm in, or that the direction of this blog is changing. This blog's contents and purpose will change as I do. Hopefully this doesn't mean that I'm becoming more critical/bitter overall. I think I'm just using this blog more to vent now (and the rest of the time I'm relatively less opinionated, or at least less vocal about it). I know that this blog has been immensely helpful to me to think out things and express myself. While I may be writing more in the form of a journal or diary of personal thoughts, I'm thankful for input when it does come. Blogs, after all, are "essentially a contained, ritualistic dialogue between voyeurs and exhibitionists." That is one thing that makes me question why I blog. Is it in order to be understood? Or am I trying to understand myself better? I think as long as I keep the active understanding as my primary concern when writing, I can continue to keep writing with a clean conscience. So thanks for reading; I'll just keep talking.

Fruit, watches, cooking

One of the primary reasons that I am am vegetarian is because of the pain inflicted upon factory farmed animals. Hence, my general rule is, "I don't eat anything that had nerves." Then watching FernGulley, the last rainforest (which I do realize is a children's movie) , one of the fairies talks about the tree's pain when being killed by saws and pollution and other destructive means. So that got me thinking, do trees really feel pain? They don't have a nervous system of any kind to my knowledge. But they are alive. This made me think back to several weeks ago when I researched fruitarianism, in which the people eat only raw fruit and nuts. It isn't a practical diet at all (almost everyone who attempts it pretty much has to stop for health reasons after 2 years or so), but the philosophy behind it is reasonable (for me at least). Well, at least part of it. They don't eat any cooked food because it apparently poisons the food. There is going to be some poisons in any food you eat in any form or preparation, so I don't see their point there. But back to what I understand about this diet. Fruitarians don't even eat vegetables because (well, most vegetables are cooked, but besides that...) eating the vegetable kills the whole plant, requiring you to replant it perennially whereas fruits grow on trees or bushes or vines. The whole plant isn't destroyed by you eating part of it. Also replanting vegetables requires large fields of crops, which destroys natural environments, replacing them with a void of biodiversity (esp. considering "weed" killers and insecticides). As I said, not practical, just interesting.

Completely switching topics, more on my opinion on watches. I've noticed since I stoped wearing one that I feel both liberated and dependent. I'm liberated from feeling like I always need to be secure in the fact that I know exactly what time it is. But I also feel more dependent on grounded clocks for when I actually do need to know the time (because I still have to comply to the schedule of school). I like that dependency. It is reminiscent of towns in Europe where the only clock was on the tower of the cathedral. A practical need drew people towards church/God. So I'd like to find other ways of becoming dependent that draw me by voluntary necessity (if that made any logical sense) closer to God.

Karen House was great last night. I'm beginning to learn the names of people that live there. With four lessons in cooking under my belt (cloth belt of course), I'm getting less and less apprehensive about cooking on my own (beyond boiling water and cooking pasta, that is). Now all I need is more time during my evenings. hmmm.

cycling, friends, poverty, God

This was a good day. I rode my bike for over an hour (total). That might be the longest I've ridden a bike in one outing. I rode mainly through Tower Grove. My primary mission was to go to the bicycle shop next to Tower Grove (A & M, Arsenal and Morgan Ford) to buy bicycle lights and a reflective vest so that I will be able to ride safely at night. Actually, I'm rather ashamed that I bought something today, it being Buy Nothing Day, to counter all of the day-after-thanksgiving-christmas-shoppers. But it was a small business and not a mall, so I can live with myself. Apparently the teachers at my school who ride their bikes to school also go to this bicycle shop, because the guy saw the billiken on my jacket and named some of my teachers, so that was cool. Then I continued on my ride. I found a wildbird garden in the park, which is the most secluded part of the park I've found so far. There's a bench and a small fountain, and even some little birds (finches, I would venture), so it was nice to rest there for a bit. Before that, I had actually rode past the swings, but a teenage girl all dressed in black with her bangs dyed green was already swinging, which is actually who I would imagine to swing there (besides actual kids) for some reason. Not that there weren't other swings there, I just didn't have the courage to swing there too. But I came back after the bird garden and no one was there. I like to swing. I like playing in general, but swinging can be especially fun. Then some actual kids did come with their parents. I think the parents thought I was weird because they didn't really look at me at all, except maybe out of the corner of their eye. I tried to have a friendly face, but introvert that I am, I didn't attempt to converse with them at all. But I'm okay with them thinking that I'm weird. And I don't need to wear black clothes and dye my bangs green to prove it. Then I finally went home. I had planned to spend the rest of my day reading or possibly start on the weekend's homework, but Maria called. And spending time with friends trumps reading every time. The books will always be there (if I renew them at the library), but with the majority of my friends being away at college, I have to make the most of the time that I can actually be with them. So that was fun. We played frisbee a little, but it was slightly too windy/wet. But it was active and free, so I was happy. Then we watched Good Will Hunting, in which Will learns the importance of living life, experiencing everything instead of just knowing about it from books. Nice parallel to my choice of activities for the night.

Just a note on my anti-consumerism goals, an insight gained from St. Ignatius' First Principle and Foundation:

But if any of these gifts become the center of our lives, they displace God and so hinder our growth toward our goal. In everyday life, then, we must hold ourselves in balance before all of these created gifts insofar as we have a choice and are not bound by some obligation.We should not fix our desires on health or sickness,wealth or poverty, success or failure, a long life or short one. For everything has the potential of calling forth in us a deeper response to our life in God.

I can't make poverty my god, obviously. I need to always focus on and direct everything I do to God. Above all, prayer is the habit I need to develop. Without that, any of this bike riding or play or friendships becomes the main focus when my life could be so much richer if I could only learn to focus on God.

I'm thankful for you

Happy Thanksgiving! It's actually the day after Thanksgiving, but I still give thanks. This was my first non-turkey day, and it was good. I tried sweet potatoes and acorn squash for the first time, both very delicious. I've already been vegetarian for 9 whole months as of yesterday. I finally came to a full realization recently that come January when I go to Honduras, I will most probably need to eat meat, which is obviously rather distressing to me. Without all of the other foods that I normally eat not available, I will probably need to eat meat to survive. I imagine it might also be rude of me to force my host family to accomodate my "special needs." I've been trying to psychologically prepare myself (I'm trying to stop thinking of meat as completely disgusting so that I won't gag (as I used to do with vegetables (the mind is a powerful thing))).

Buy anyway, there are only two more weeks of this semester. Then Christmas break, Honduras, and second semester of my senior year. I'm hoping that the teachers realize that seniors do not want to do any work second semester and will cooperate in giving us less work. This first semester has been somewhat stressful, so I hope that gets better. But back to Christmas. I'm very proud of my family. We have decided to not put up a tree because it is too much work for too little enjoyment. So this'll take away some of the commercilization of this holy day. My extended family has also decided not to get everyone presents. We will all bring one small gift with which we will play a game to exchange, and we can also donate to charities in each others names. But other than for my brother, we will not be buying stuff and giving it to each other! Apparently they did this before my brother and I came along, and now that I've grown up (don't want presents anymore) we are returning to this blissful method of celebrating. Take that capitalism.

Speaking of capitalism, I want to express clearly things I alluded to in my last post. Basically, I do not like money. Actually, I also happen to not like time much either. I do not like human constructs that impose control/oppression on other humans, measuring the value of humans when they are of infinite value and subjugating humans to its system with their power. I'm talking about anyone who hates their job but does it anyway, only to make money. I am thankful that my parents did not force me to get a job when I turned 16 because it allowed me to grow up without having the pursuit of money dominate my life. I realize they have been supporting me this whole time with the money they are making. I'm now trying to limit the monetary expense of my living with them. In our civilization, we have to have jobs and make money because of said capitalism. For myself, I propose a communal lifestyle in which a community chooses to cooperate with each other to support the community. Democratic socialism on a neighborhood level. As for time, I do not wear a watch because time is not relevant to my well being. It is used to regulate how I spend my energy and is used by companies as just another commodity (in the form of amounts of human labor). While work by itself is good, work driven by the pursuit of money and the pressures of time is not.
I read a joke in Reader's Digest recently: What's the difference between the government and the mafia? One of them is organized. That said, I don't appreciate our government very much, being a major perpetrator of monetary oppression. I don't appreciate any of the governments throughout the world actually (although I do like parts of the way Europe governs itself), borders and nationalism and the wars that follow. I am a citizen of the world that happens to reside in the United States of America (much like I'm a Christian that happens to be Catholic). One might accuse me of arrogance by enjoying all of the benefits of living in this country with its foundation in freedom and then work against the system that I benefit from. But with the freedom that this country provides me, I want to try to make it better. America is so wasteful and so proud. As a country we think we are the best and are therefore deserving to push everyone and everything around according to our pleasure. As a "developed" country, we are using our natural resources so quickly without any thought to the consequences. Most of the consequences are felt in third world countries anyway. People are starving in India, yet we pay farmers here not to grow crops on their fields. When I said that I am eliminating unnecessary showers, it is for this reason. Drinking water is a precious resource as well, and some wells in America are already going dry (bad for small communities, not to mention the environment). So I don't shower every day. I try to shower for no more than five minutes and with cold water. I'm working on those last two points. Americans are the only ones that seem to require a daily (or twice a day) shower. Such is not the case even throughout much of Europe and especially throughout the "developing" world. Also when I mentioned dumpster diving, that would be in response to the waste of Americans (who also produce the most trash) throwing away usable items when others could still benefit from them. I have yet to dumpster dive, but it is not beyond me to do in the future.

I will admit at this point that these opinions I've formed are strongly influenced by a friend of mind from my school, Pat. He is rather radical in everything he does. He does not believe in a God and is by no means a pacifist, so there are definitely things that I do not agree with him on. But there are many more times when what he says makes sense. He is vegan (and was a partial influence on my becoming vegetarian). Actually, I could go through most of what I have talked about in this post, and it would have originated from observing how and why Pat lives his life. The conflict I have come to is one between relativism and natural law. Between subjectivity and objectivity. To be subjective is to judge every action without any preconceived standard of what is good and bad, rather by what is best for each individual person. To be objective is to ignore all personal considerations and context and judge every action based solely on law. I would like to balance these two rather antipodal positions. As an example of this, I'll take homosexuality. The Church says that homosexuals should never act on how they truely feel with regards to their sexuality because that is a sin. Someone who holds relativistic views says that homosexuals may do as they please because sex is whatever one wants to make of it. I do not hold either view, but what I would perceive to be the middle, as I discussed two posts ago. I'm struggling to find that balance in other ethical situations, though.

On a lighter note, I watched The Wizard of Oz to the music of Dark Side of the Moon the other day at school. It's the Dark Side of the Rainbow, if you will. This is a worthwhile experience because parts of the album (lyrics, beat, mood) synchronize with parts of the movie. It was very entertaining and interesting. I also found out that I like Pink Floyd and am requesting the CD from the library. I've also experienced They Might Be Giants thanks to the library, which I now enjoy. I also get books from the library (imagine that). Recently these have included Meeting Jesus again for the first time (which I've mentioned before) and Stephen Hawking's Universe, which describes how the universe works in layman's terms. Quite interesting. Just thinking about the idea of space, especially thinking about reaching the edge of the universe and what is beyond that, the nothingness of it. They talk about the Big Bang and how they can trace back the universe to a fraction of a second after that happened, but before that, the laws of physics stop applying (and they don't know what caused the Big Bang itself to happen), and theist that I am, I think, "there's God at work! Can't you guys see it?" I guess that's another happy medium I've reached between the atheist scientists and the Creationists. I also got a movie from the library, called FernGulley, the last rainforest. It's a children's movie about rainforest faries saving the rainforest from humans. Another environmentally aware friend at school said it was his favorite movie, so I was curious. I really like the library. That is one place I would be happy to work. I've only ridden my bike to the library twice, but this wednesday when I drove there (in the snow), the librarian asked if I rode my bike today. I was surprised that she recognized me and remembered me as a bike rider. I may be reading too much in to it, but it may be further evidence that more intelligent/educated people are also generally more liberal (or just that librarians are observant and friendly).

Speaking of, I recently saw a poster about how to be more observant and friendly (at Karen House, actually). I wanted to share it with you. If you click on it, you can see it larger, and 'twill hopefully be readable for you.



I also read an article for my theology class about masculine spirituality which I thought was interesting and would like to share with you. Enjoy!

Play, pray, and Catholic Workers

I recently went on a Pallotine retreat. Besides the much needed and much gained sleep, and the renewed love of basketball and oranges (both peculiarly of the color orange. hmm.), the major benefit gained was a renewed recognition of the importance of play (like basketball, and blogging!) and prayer. It helped me keep my school work in perspective. I came across a reading today that began to challenge that perspective.

Jesus looked up and saw rich people putting their gifts into the treasury; he also saw a poor widow put in two small copper coins. He said, "Truly I tell you, this poor widow has put in more than all of them; for all of them have contributed out of their abundance, but she out of her poverty has put in all she had to live on." Luke 21: 1-4

After reading this, I began to think, hey, why am I still in school? Why am I just going through the motions when I should be out there giving my all for Jesus. Then I quickly realized my problem. Notice that part when I said "going through the motions"? Yeah, there's my problem. I need to give Jesus my all by giving my all in everything I do to the greater glory of God. Sure one day that may look a bit more radical or revolutionary, but Jesus will work through me right where I am. I may want to be a rad liberal hippie, but I don't need to be in order to be giving it all up for Jesus.

But it is still fun to think about all of the rad liberal hippie things I want to do eventually. Obviously, I will never go on "trips" (with drugs that is). That would pretty much cancel out any health benefit of being vegetarian (check for hippie-ness on that point). I've also considered and quickly ruled out growing out my hair. All fashionable reasons aside, it would just be a time-consuming nuisance to have to maintain. Anyone who views the state of my hair on a regular basis can tell I don't put much stock in fashionable reasons, or spending any time maintaining my hair. I want to buy clothing not made in sweatshops (once my shoes wear out, I want to buy no sweat red high tops). I would like to drastically limit my participation in economic consumption. That is, I don't want to buy what I don't need to buy. And even when I need something, I might consider dumpster diving first. A large part of my consuming goes unnoticed by me because it occurs in the use of utilities like electricity and water and gas that I (or my parents) don't pay for right away. So I would like to conserve such resources as much as possible by eliminating unneeded showering, riding my bike (which ironically increases my need for showering), and turning off the TV/computer/lights/air conditoner or at least replace incandescent bulbs with compact halogen ones. When I'm not watching the commercials on TV, I would rather be reading or sharing in community with friends. I would like to shower with unscented soap. I personally find it boring when everyone smells like one of 13 different "scents" (cough... chemicals). I would like to grow vegetables and fruits in my own garden, and keep a compost pile. I want to respect and protect the environment however I can. Most importantly, I want to work for the coming of God's kingdom on earth, protecting human rights and simply loving my neighbor. What's great is that all (or most) of that stuff that I just talked about is all wrapped up in Karen House and the Catholic Worker Movement. I just volunteered there for the third time this afternoon, cooking a meal and playing with the kids. At one point, I began to think, hey wouldn't this get boring to do day after day after day? Then I realized what any job is like and what school is like for me right now. Except often school doesn't bring me much happiness or peace, but volunteering at Karen House does. So I would love to be able to do that day after day after day. Several of the workers I've met are vegetarian. (none of the guys have long hair). All workers live in voluntary poverty: second-hand clothes, no entertainment technology, riding bikes or buses, limited utilities. They have a compost pile and a garden. They are activists, speaking out against social injustice and war. They pray together in an intimate chapel. And they are constantly at service to the poor, literally living among their guests. It seems that the workers there don't have families of their own, and for the first time, I can see the benefit of the vocation of being single. I can now see how much my parents had to give up in terms of their own work for the coming of God's kingdom throughout the earth in order to raise my brother and I and reveal God's kingdom to us. I feel like they have raised me to be like St. Francis: revealing to me the limited happiness of the material world so that I may choose poverty and a life of service to Jesus, a life full of limitless joy, for myself.

So for now, I thank God for the opportunity to learn diligently in school and the blessing of volunteering at Karen House. That volunteering might quite possibly be an exploration of my future vocation.

America, this is what I'm thinking

This is a response to the comment made by Stan on the post in which I vented my post-election angst. First off, that post was not meant to stand as my final intelligent analysis of the cultural downturn this country is going through. While I stand by what I said, it was, in fact, a rant of sorts and meant to be somewhat inflammatory. Well, Stan, you were certainly inflamed.

Ok, now a response to your second through fifth paragraphs (the environment). What we have here is a difference in worldviews. Thank you for bringing this subject up, because I had been meaning to talk about it since the beginning of the school year. I'm currently taking a course in Environmental Science, so each day I'm understanding more and more just how screwed the earth is if we keep our present behavior up. First, oil. It's nice that you feel so secure in your frontier science (aka yet to be proven) and in your conservative version of the truth, but the fact is that our current known reserves are going to dry up completely within my lifetime at the current rate of production. Even if exploration reveals new reserves, I'd like to see you try to enjoy breathing when we all drive SUVs. I believe it is safe to say that your worldview is that of planetary management, as my course would call it. This worldview says that humans may manage the world to their own maximum benefit and will be able, by their superior intellect, to solve any negative environmental repercussions that their actions will create. It views the world as a tool to be used by humans. The worldview I would like to put forth is that of environmental wisdom. In this view, we understand that the earth would be just fine without us (actually, better off) and therefore strive to live sustainably (as in not using up all of a nonrenewable resource such as oil). Unfortunately, the exponential growth of the human population is not sustainable. We are overshooting the carrying capacity of the earth, and we will eventually have a population crash similar to the Black Death. Technology can only prop us up for so long. But people who continue to abuse the earth with their planetary management worldviews are only shortening the time before that happens. There is a reason for environmentalists to be radical. They realize fully the urgency of the situation and are like unheeded prophets in the desert.

Ok, spoiled malcontents? Yes, Kerry is rich. He is an elite. He belongs to Yale's Skull and Bones club. Bush is all of those things as well! I know that Kerry isn't much better than Bush, but I would have taken what I could get.

On to the pro-life issue. Abortion is an evil. It is intrinsically evil, I agree. But it cannot be as black and white as I wish it could be. In cases of rape, incest, or the mother's life being threatened by the pregnancy, the government cannot take away the woman's ability to choose. However, if it were a hypothetical (woman) "me" in any of those situations, I hope that I would have the courage to at least have the child and give him or her away through adoption or to give up my life for my baby. Those decisions are based on moral judgements that our government cannot force everyone to have. It cannot be legislated, or at least not easily. So while I personally believe that no abortions are morally correct, it is not my nor the government's place to judge that for everyone. While I would love to only look at the issue from the perspective of the innocent baby's life, there is an unfortunate gray area in which one must consider the rights of the mother equally with the rights of the unborn (and unfortunately unrepresented) baby.

I'd also like to address gay rights, even though Stan did not bring that topic up in his rebuttal. The Republican party effectively used the public's fear of homosexual people getting married to get more conservatives to the polls (and vote for Bush while they're there voting for gay marriage bans). As much as I despise the term objectively disordered, the homosexual act is just that. Marriage within the Church is both unitive and procreative. Obviously, the homosexual act cannot bear fruit, unless one considers adoption to be equivalent with procreation. So the Church will never allow homosexuals to marry. Civil marriages have no requirement of procreation, so there should be no reason why homosexual couples cannot be married by the state. I see no distinction to be made between civil marriages and civil unions. Marriage within the Church as an institution cannot be threatened simply because homosexuals can (or should be allowed to) marry through the State.

Finally, the issue of pacifism. Violence begets violence. It is as simple as that. Islamic fundamentalist terrorists may want to attack us now, but continuing to exert our power over them isn't going to stamp out terrorism. That is because we aren't dealing with a limited number of terrorists who we can all eventually kill and solve the problem. We are dealing with an insurgency that will only continue to grow under present conditons. Just as with the economic root of many abortions, we have to treat the anger of terrorists at its root, not violently react to the visible outbursts of that anger. The position of pacifism is a scary and dangerous one. I would argue that it is the more courageous one, the more revolutionary one, as well.

Yes, I am continually learning. But I believe I am more free to receive the truth that I learn without the blinders of selfish concerns. These are my intelligent opinions, and I invite debate.
_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

The Bone has a wonderful post as to where to go from here that I invite you (the general public, not Stan) to read. (it is the second post on Nov. 6, if confused) It lifted my spirits after being kicked while already down by aforementioned Stan. The poem If, linked to in the post, was especially inspiring for this post. Thank you, Stan, for challenging me to mature, not into your conservative point of view, but in being able to take criticism as constructive and replace my rant with clear-headed opinions and arguments.


I've actually realized recently just how conservative I am with regards to my own sexuality. While it is obvious from my positions on abortion and homosexuality that I do not judge others by my own standards, the standards of chastity I hold myself to are pretty darn high! I realize this as a result of my theology class. I'll hopefully post more on this later.

Prohodiation

Last wednesday night at youth group, we received the challenge to cut the strings that hold us back from our full potential, from fully surrendering to God. We went through our days and reflected on what was holding us back from what we wanted to do. Then we ranked the items in order of importance, with one item of highest rank that we would definitely commit to cutting out of our lives. Since the word procrastination appeared on my list at several points throughout the day, I figured that would be a good thing to work on. I mentioned my problem with procrastination when I was ranting about school earlier, but it has been a bigger problem this year. I had a case of early onset senioritis. So since wednesday, I've been focusing on not procrastinating, and I've been pretty good. With getting my homework done earlier (or getting it done at all), I actually had time to blog last night (a school night). I already reflected on a cause of my procrastination, that cause being using it as a release from my perfectionism. But basically, it is a matter of self-discipline. Although, I have noticed that, while it is nice not having to rush to get my homework done before I go to the class it is due in, the days are generally more boring without the adrenaline of rushing. There's a trade off. I just need to find more ways to be more productive and less bored. I did well today, turning in my application to SLU, finally, and looking into other scholarships (but still, I wasn't under any pressure, so it was not very interesting; I wish I was taking psychology right now).

Nevertheless, not procrastinating is good. Maybe I'll start practicing prohodiation (pro hodie "for today" (a word I just made up), instead of pro cras, "for tomorrow"), and start my homework on a friday. Maybe.

America, what were you thinking?

To: The World
I want to sincerely apologize on behalf of the people of the United States of America for not removing George W. Bush from power. I apologize to you because I am certain that the next four years will undoubtedly hold great suffering and injustice for many more parts of the world as a direct result of Bush's "foreign policy," aka using a war on terror as an excuse to seize as much of the dwindling fossil fuels as possible, which will only increase the amount of terrorists' complaints and rage against the United States. So I fear for your well-being, World.

I also fear for the United States, which, under Bush's "domestic policy," will continue on the path of regression in the areas of environmental protection, education, the welfare of the poor and elderly (both financially and medically), gainful employment, and civil rights/constitutional rights. Talk about shooting yourselves in the foot.

I'm seriously having trouble understanding the thought processes of half of America. There are actually people who think Bush is a good president. And they are the majority! What kind of country am I living in? I'll never leave the country soley because of the election of one person, but if those people being elected keep taking away more and more of my rights and keep degrading the society in which I need to survive in, destroying the "American Dream" they profess to live by, I may eventually be fleeing, not from a man, but from the tyranical state that man is leading. In that case, Sweden, here I come!

I would like to question Archbishop Burke's stand on voting for "pro-life" candidates. I understand that we should choose candidates by evaluating their positions through the lens of our beliefs. But lets honestly look at the significance of what we've done. We (er, you) voted for the "pro-life" candidate by reason of our religious beliefs. And when this candidate assumes power with a mandate based on those religious beliefs, he will go on to work on economic and political matters (not religious!) that will in fact lead to an increase in the problem of abortion (through the oppression of the poor (who receive the majority of abortions)) and the problem of capital punishment. And the problem of an unjust war. Just because war is supposedly justifible in some situations doesn't mean that we should disregard the fact that it is NOT JUSTIFIED in this situation. Bush may not be pro-choice, but he certainly isn't pro-life, either. And you put him back in office. So I fear for the Church as well.


Just a few notes on what I would like to see changed about the election process. Federal control of voting methods! It should be standardized throughout the country. Also a better voting method. I'm researching what that might be. Possibly ranked pairs. Possibly instant runoff voting. I still need to learn more. Get rid of the electoral college. My history teacher tried to explain its purpose/importance, but he failed to impress its importance on me. It is antiquated and needs to go. Feel free to enlighten me if you think otherwise. Or if for some reason we have to keep it, we can at least follow New Hampshire's lead (I think) and divide the electoral votes proportionally to the popular vote. Oh, and we could abolish the two party system while we're at it.

Dream ticket for '08 election: Obama McCain.

Pray for our troops, that they can stop dying for one man's mistake/personal agenda.
And God bless the WORLD, because America just cursed itself.

Fr. Sam wants YOU to be a priest.

Last Sunday, I met with some of my classmates and a priest at my high school. We were there to discuss our possible vocation of priesthood. It's a relatively small group. There are apparently only five of us in my whole class considering the priesthood. I was invited to come to these meetings at the beginning of the school year. I'm not exactly sure why. I suppose all of the priests or even all the theology teachers talk amongst themselves regarding possible candidates for the seminary, because I don't remember ever directly telling the priest who led the meeting (Fr. H) that I was considering the priesthood. Nevertheless, this has been at least the fourth priest to approach me about the priesthood. So I'm feeling a call, at least on the temporal plane. There hasn't been any great epiphanies or inspirations from the spiritual plane calling me to the celibate life as of yet. That's not to diminish the importance of the temporal plane of course. I suppose I'm not so much looking for a call from above as much as from within. I believe for the most part, even though it is hard to consider in my humanness, that I would be free to follow God's will into the consecrated life, if that be the case. But let's look at the practical side (the side all of these priests looked at when they decided to extend the invitation to join them and answer a similar vocation as their own). Why do I elicit so much attention from these priests? Basically, I believe I have been observed as being prayerful and pious. It is true that I do pray (not nearly as much as I should/as I want to) and that I have developed a generally pious pattern of behavior. From these things one may conclude that I am a spiritual person and interested in spiritual things. But does that mean that I am automatically a strong candidate for the priesthood? Maybe. Does it mean that I should automatically become a priest? Definitely not. I don't think anyone was suggesting that, but with the numerous invitations to the priesthood, I think I have felt pressured to consider the option and therefore perverted the intent of the invitations.

When I strip the situation down to just me and God, which is what I would prefer to do right now, I am left to consider the practical matter of how good of a priest I would make. What makes for a good priest? It seems to me that in one's vocation, one would find the best use for the talents one has been given. Right now I don't feel that I would make a good priest with the gifts I have. Although I do realize that if this be my vocation, God would give me the grace to live it out.

Actually, I'm suprised that I am taking these considerations as seriously as I am during this period of doubts in which I am questioning the importance of ritual and ceremony and elaborate symbolism. I'm by no means rejecting all of it, just seeking a better appreciation of it. But while I'm going through this process, its a little hard to consider becoming the one administering all of the rituals and ceremonies and wearing the robes full of elaborate symbolism. Robes that seem to elevate the priest and put up a barrier between the priest and congregation right now. I think all of these doubts come as a result of surrounding myself with people that do reject all of this organized religion stuff (namely, many of my classmates), and not living in a bubble. Even in a Catholic Jesuit high school, secularism creeps in and influences my thinking. And this isn't necessarily a bad thing. It leads me to struggle with these issues and strengthen what I actually believe in. I also have gained a better understanding of where some of my classmates are coming from with regards to their attitudes about religion. At the end of the day, I may not agree, but that isn't necessary for me to understand and accept them for who they are. So I'm glad for that.

When I talked Sunday about where I am in my discernment, I offered the definition of vocation that it is finding God in my deepest and best desires. I said that I'm not sure how to discern what those desires are, but I do know for sure that I have a desire to be a husband and a father. Fr. H responded that on some level, everyone wants to be a spouse and parent, but we have to get past that. I'm just not so sure I should.

So here's to developing a personal relationship with God that I am able to take public, sharing it in the faith community of the Mass. I'll just work on living for God and let God figure out how to guide me to the right vocation.