Fr. Sam wants YOU to be a priest.

Last Sunday, I met with some of my classmates and a priest at my high school. We were there to discuss our possible vocation of priesthood. It's a relatively small group. There are apparently only five of us in my whole class considering the priesthood. I was invited to come to these meetings at the beginning of the school year. I'm not exactly sure why. I suppose all of the priests or even all the theology teachers talk amongst themselves regarding possible candidates for the seminary, because I don't remember ever directly telling the priest who led the meeting (Fr. H) that I was considering the priesthood. Nevertheless, this has been at least the fourth priest to approach me about the priesthood. So I'm feeling a call, at least on the temporal plane. There hasn't been any great epiphanies or inspirations from the spiritual plane calling me to the celibate life as of yet. That's not to diminish the importance of the temporal plane of course. I suppose I'm not so much looking for a call from above as much as from within. I believe for the most part, even though it is hard to consider in my humanness, that I would be free to follow God's will into the consecrated life, if that be the case. But let's look at the practical side (the side all of these priests looked at when they decided to extend the invitation to join them and answer a similar vocation as their own). Why do I elicit so much attention from these priests? Basically, I believe I have been observed as being prayerful and pious. It is true that I do pray (not nearly as much as I should/as I want to) and that I have developed a generally pious pattern of behavior. From these things one may conclude that I am a spiritual person and interested in spiritual things. But does that mean that I am automatically a strong candidate for the priesthood? Maybe. Does it mean that I should automatically become a priest? Definitely not. I don't think anyone was suggesting that, but with the numerous invitations to the priesthood, I think I have felt pressured to consider the option and therefore perverted the intent of the invitations.

When I strip the situation down to just me and God, which is what I would prefer to do right now, I am left to consider the practical matter of how good of a priest I would make. What makes for a good priest? It seems to me that in one's vocation, one would find the best use for the talents one has been given. Right now I don't feel that I would make a good priest with the gifts I have. Although I do realize that if this be my vocation, God would give me the grace to live it out.

Actually, I'm suprised that I am taking these considerations as seriously as I am during this period of doubts in which I am questioning the importance of ritual and ceremony and elaborate symbolism. I'm by no means rejecting all of it, just seeking a better appreciation of it. But while I'm going through this process, its a little hard to consider becoming the one administering all of the rituals and ceremonies and wearing the robes full of elaborate symbolism. Robes that seem to elevate the priest and put up a barrier between the priest and congregation right now. I think all of these doubts come as a result of surrounding myself with people that do reject all of this organized religion stuff (namely, many of my classmates), and not living in a bubble. Even in a Catholic Jesuit high school, secularism creeps in and influences my thinking. And this isn't necessarily a bad thing. It leads me to struggle with these issues and strengthen what I actually believe in. I also have gained a better understanding of where some of my classmates are coming from with regards to their attitudes about religion. At the end of the day, I may not agree, but that isn't necessary for me to understand and accept them for who they are. So I'm glad for that.

When I talked Sunday about where I am in my discernment, I offered the definition of vocation that it is finding God in my deepest and best desires. I said that I'm not sure how to discern what those desires are, but I do know for sure that I have a desire to be a husband and a father. Fr. H responded that on some level, everyone wants to be a spouse and parent, but we have to get past that. I'm just not so sure I should.

So here's to developing a personal relationship with God that I am able to take public, sharing it in the faith community of the Mass. I'll just work on living for God and let God figure out how to guide me to the right vocation.