Change

My life is in a state of flux. I just graduated from high school and am starting college. I have a month of working under my belt at my first job, a full time job in which I had very little previous experience. I also have a month of experience in the only serious relationship I've ever been in under my belt. I'm not even wearing a belt right now. That's impressive. And I also happen to have begun the rebuilding of my spiritual life recently. It's been slow in coming and in growing.

I am tired. I have exhausted my body (capitalist sell-out that I am), spirit, and soul. I need to rest and nurture myself. Think about things (I've kind of been giving my intellect a break for a while- so behind on my reading). One thing that I am often affronted with at work is my plans for a career. I'm having a hard time justifying to myself the need for a very expensive education when my plans for the future at this point are to tend my garden and love and serve people. I really need to look for a job that I can love in the meantime. It's great that I am rehabbing old houses, but it is such an unhealthy environment for me to be in. I am learning and adapting, and that is good. My vocabulary is most probably permanently altered, and I am now mostly used to a smoky environment- two things that aren't very good. I would like to do something with art or books or even fair-trade coffee. That would be nice. And Sara is wonderful. I am learning a lot about this kind of relationship, and learning it fairly quickly. It is a very healthy relationship, I think, and I look forward to it growing more deeply, slowly. And I definitely need to tend to the garden of my soul. It has been neglected, and the things that used to feed me spiritually (or maybe were force-fed) no longer do. So I am in the process of exploring where I am, where God is, and where I can meet God now. I am going to start reading again, and that will help. I plan to journal (personally) more, and that will be good. I plan to check out a catholic church (yes, small "c"- as in actual universality) that some of my friends have gone to. And the society o' friends. And even the episcopalians. I am glad that I have a foundation from which to spring, though.

Life is changing. Change can lead to a lot of growth. Change is good.