Returning to that book report I wrote, my teacher only wrote a few comments on the paper, but one is important enough that I wanted to point it out. With the point at which I say that "my grand scheme to 'save the world' is simply to walk away from participation in those institutions that diminish diversity and learn about or create a new way of living that increases diversity," he responds "- How about joining the people trying to save it?"
(I thought that is what I was saying.)
But I understand that he is coming from a different angle. It is basically the angle of the liberal environmentalist. And the best way I know to respond to this angle is to simply point to an essay that could answer that question much better than I could right now- Ran Prieur's Thinking Through the Fall. I haven't referred to Ran's writing directly since I first mentioned him with regards to his essay defining violence.
expand to read the full post
Tuesday, March 28
Monday, March 27
New template
As I am sure you have noticed, I just changed the template for this blog. It is based off of the minima template, with major modifications made by yours truly. It's a lot of fun to play with existing html (but I remember from computer fundamentals class that writing html from scratch is a pain in the ass). The last time I changed my template was about a month or so after I first began this blog (I believe it was a simple black text on very plain white background with an orange banner on top). I was tiring of the black on white and general lack of individuality in my former cookie-cutter, ready-made template. I'm also using some hacks found at Blogger Templates to tweak little things here and there. I am open to hearing what your opinion is of the new template and will take any constructive criticism under advisement (basically, is everything still readable with the color scheme I've got going right now?). Thanks, and enjoy!
Sunday, March 26
Attention potential future commenters:
I have just changed the setting so that only registered users can comment. It is relatively easy to register with blogger, and it does not require you to have a blog. Thanks for your cooperation. Otherwise, sorry if I lose you as a commenter over this. I was just having some problems with anonymous commenter-vandals recently, and I'm hoping this stems the tide.
Saturday, March 25
Book report
I had to write a paper recently for my biology class, The Diversity of Life. The paper was actually a book report, and the book we (were supposed to have) read was entitled The Diversity of Life. I did read the first 100 pages, and then skimmed the rest, as I had of course procrastinated until the day before it was due to even attempt to finish reading the book. The book is worthy of my full attention at some point in the future. Anyway, for this book report, we were asked to write about how the topic of the book (encapsulated nicely in the title) relates, first, to our society, and then, directly to me. It was actually fun to write, so I wanted to share it with you. It was supposed to be four pages long (1.5 spaced), but mine came out to just over 3 (working up to right before class, you know?). Nevertheless, I scored a 95, whatever that means. So here is my paper...
expand to read the full post
expand to read the full post
Civilization is killing the planet. Well, not so much the planet but rather the thin veil of life that covers every inch of the planet. Life is both very delicate and very resilient, and civilization is putting both of those claims to the test. Edward Wilson’s book, The Diversity of Life, seeks to describe this life, how it works and evolves, and what relationship we, as humans, have to it. The way I just worded that last sentence is very telling, revealing an insight into the root of the problem we are now facing, the decimation of the biological systems of the world that allow us to exist. What is telling is that distinction made between humans and the rest of the biological world, as if we are not a part of it, as if we are above it, as if we are gods. By viewing the biosphere as something distinct from humanity, something that we can be extracted from and govern over, we make ourselves prone to the very dangerous mistake of viewing the earth as simply a resource to be exploited instead of the mother, who made life for all of us possible, that she really is.
The topic discussed in the book has very severe and important implications for our present society, or more widely, for our global civilization. Humans are very much part of the biosphere. We are mammals. We are animals. Simply because we have the mental capability to recognize that fact does not remove us from our interdependence with every other species on the planet. The most prominent and immediate manifestation of this interdependence and our corresponding warped attitude towards the biological world is in our procurement of food. Ten thousand years ago, before the Agricultural Revolution, humans were hunter-gatherers. They lived off the fruit of the land, just as every other animal does, secure with a faith in Nature’s bounty. Then, a strange thing happened. Suddenly, one group of people lost their faith that Nature would always provide them with the food they need to survive, so they attempted to take matters into their own hands and produce all of the food they needed by themselves. This loss of faith was the biological equivalent of blasphemy, with humans proclaiming themselves gods, complete with knowledge of what species should live (those that directly contribute as food for humans) and what species should die (any species that is in the way of or competes with humans and their food sources). Thus, intensive agriculture was spawned, with monoculture fields that wipe out all diversity, providing humans with a surplus of food – but a surplus constantly threatened by diseases (since there is no diversity in the fields to offer any protection). Ironically, by assuming control over the production of food for the security of that supply, humans introduced famine upon themselves for the first time. In the past, when food was short, one could simply move on to new lands, but sedentary people of agriculture have that option closed to them. Nevertheless, those that adopt agriculture as a way of life do obtain a surplus of food, as all available land is being directed towards food for humans, neglecting all other species in the ecosystem. That surplus begins a vicious cycle of population growth and increase in the available food supply, a cycle which eventually leads to the population explosion we have on our hands now, overshooting the carrying capacity of the planet.[1]
Our species is in a very precarious position now, as we continue to act as though our actions have no serious consequences for the rest of the life on this planet or even for ourselves, when in reality, this behavior on our part has begun the sixth great extinction period in the history of the planet, and at a much faster rate. As a species often considered to be on the top of the food chain, wiping out the foundational species below is not good practice if we desire to stay in that position on the food chain – or even to stay around at all. Indeed, we are not actually on the top of a food chain because there is no top. The energy and fire of life passes through this world as a web, not as a hierarchical chain. Such images of dominance are again products of the fundamental division between humans and the rest of the biosphere, as we choose to ignore the fact that we do indeed get eaten upon death by bacteria and plants and scavenging animals.
Our current society and civilization is built upon the assumptions of human separateness and superiority that are now most clearly showing themselves to be very deleterious to the continuation of life on earth. I do not see how such a civilization can be changed or reformed in any way to revert such direct consequences of our foundational myth. Our current population and way of life is being propped up by technological complexity and cheap energy in the form of petroleum, but petroleum production will peak very soon. After that, it is only a short time before the comforts of civilization that we have become so accustomed to will not only not be sustainable – they will not even be possible (not on the scale that they are today, at least). Society, then, should prepare for a great many changes in the future, in both the status of the biological world and in how our relation to it is felt and perceived. It’s time for us to wake up to the reality of our situation. We are animals, currently biting off the hand that feeds us. We need to first acknowledge the first statement, and then stop the second.
I am an animal. I am a very small part of the biological world. I contribute to the diversity of life by simply existing. Admittedly, that contribution is infinitesimally small considering that I am a member of an omnivorous species that has an inordinate number of individuals, 6.5 billion, and growing (exponentially). Also, any small amount of diversity I might bring to an ecosystem is cancelled out many times over at the moment by the way of life that I have been raised in this society to lead. Even though within the context of the United States, my family is very much a middle class family, when the context is expanded to the rest of the world, my family if immensely rich. We lead lives of extreme comfort and ease compared to the majority of the world. This situation is the product of a capitalist system – the few living very well upon the backs of the many. I have read the “State of the Village Report,” and I have taken the online ecological footprint quiz. I am well aware that my lifestyle is outrageously unjust and unsustainable. According to the quiz, if everyone were to live the same way that I live, there would need to be 3 earths to support the demand. And that is with being a vegetarian of two years and no longer owning a car. One of my lifelong goals is to not only no longer contribute to the continued destruction of the earth through the way I daily live my life but to also begin to reverse the process and find effective ways to increase diversity in the ecosystem in which I live. This is the whole idea behind permaculture – beyond simply gardening to provide a portion of my food, I want to encourage the development sustainable and functional ecosystems. This summer, I will be visiting an eco-village in northeastern Missouri called Dancing Rabbit, visiting with the intent of exploring the possibility of moving there and beginning to enact my dream and goal of more than sustainable living. In this way, I also hope to prepare for the impending collapse of civilization (because all civilizations are destined to collapse – such complexity is never indefinitely sustainable). My grand scheme to “save the world” is simply to walk away from participation in those institutions that diminish diversity and learn about or create a new way of living that increases diversity.
This book, The Diversity of Life, presents a very good and thorough account of the beauty and necessity of diversity. It shows how life is created and proliferated through evolution, how diversity comes out of that evolution and strengthens the hold life has on earth, and then how humans have set out to unintentionally destroy that diversity for their own benefit. This book is a call to action, crying out as a wake up call to a people put asleep by the drug of material affluence, or the seeking of such affluence. I hope more people are listening.
[1] My understanding of the Agricultural Revolution and its consequences was influenced by not only The Diversity of Life, but also Ishmael, by Daniel Quinn.
Thursday, March 23
Recovering from my addiction to approval
Hi, my name is Tom Campbell, and I am a people pleaser.
expand to read the full post
At the moment, I am reluctant to even write this post because I fear it won't be pleasing to some people. That is the primary, if latent, emotion that drives addictive pleasing behavior - fear. Fear of not being accepted, of not being loved, of not being good enough. It is an internalized pressure to meet the expectations of other people, internalized from the original external pressure. The pressure is subtle, and it is not necessarily even intended. My mom has commented, and I know, that when children are born, they don't come with instruction manuals. And any instructions received from this culture are bound to be faulty and maladaptive. So I don't blame my parents. Within their particular stories and context, this was the only way they were able to raise me. I have always said that I thought my parents did a very good job of raising me. And that is part of the problem. 1) I feel the need to reassure them, surely in an attempt to make them even prouder of the product of their raising, and 2) I am mirroring their behavior, making a value judgement on their parenting skills when they should speak for themselves without any judgements being necessary. What I am referring to is the phrase "good job." I just used it myself, in reference to my parents, and they used it all the time with me and any small accomplishment I made. This evaluative phrase has the unintended consequence of turning whatever activity I am engaged in as only a means to an end- seeking the approval and praise from my parents and any other authority figure in my life. I became dependent upon this praise and learned to seek only that. This pressure shaped me into a very "good kid" from outward appearances. I was a straight A student and was very religious, and I was especially willing to be helpful and always in service to others- always with the hidden motive of getting my approval fix, like the junkie I was. Now, this was not done consciously. It was not contrived behavior. It grew into a habit slowly and unknowingly, from my earliest formative years, whenever I first did something that could possibly be regarded as praiseworthy- perhaps opening my eyes for the first time, or smiling, or, I don't know, maybe even pooping (depending on how weird of a mood my parents were in at the time, of course). Like I said, I do not blame my parents for turning me into an approval hungry monster. I am a little angry that I have lived my life thus far in this way and now have to struggle to unlearn this addiction, but placing blame does not help the situation.
I learned to first seek praise from my parents, but the lesson was hammered home in grade school. I know that by third grade, I was thoroughly a teacher's pet. It may have started before that, but I got really good at it by third grade. I would try my hardest to exceed so far in school that the teachers just had to love me. And they did. They loved me because I was intelligent. They loved me because I was cooperative. They loved me because I was helpful. Because I was eager. Because I was responsible. Because I was trustworthy. These are all good character traits by themselves, but I did not develop them for their own sake but rather only to receive the praise that results from having these traits. It became almost a kind of game for me. By highschool, I was conscious of the necessity to make a good impression on the teacher from the start in order to get the teacher to like me, and then do well in the class as a result, gaining both the approval of that teacher and fueling the everpresent praise of my family. This addiction is what drove me to get straight A's (and to view the act of getting them as "fun"...sounds like a junkie's high to me...), it's what drove me to be very religious, going to extremes in only listening to christian rock and signing at least five different chastity cards over the years and, eventually, feeling the duty to consider the priesthood, seeking the approval of the priests at my school and church, and perhaps my dad (?), and certainly God. Actually, part of my disillusionment with God might have been realizing in a very demoralizing way that as much as I might try, I'm not going to receive praise from God in the same way (or perhaps in infinitely more ways?) as I did from all the other authority figures in my life. Everything that made up who I was was superficial. It was all simply the most effective means to accessing my drug of choice.
So I'm trying to recover, right? I slowly deconstructed all the labels I had built around myself in order to attract praise, and I stumblingly found myself some new labels to assume. Vegetarian, anarchist, anti-civ... It is certainly a step in the right direction, as it was a very tough thing to open myself up to so much disapproval from all of the authority figures I looked up to throughout my childhood. Any relationships that remain through that are real. And that is a really cool thing. But in taking on new labels, I'm finding that I am still just as addicted to approval. I'm just seeking different sources for that approval. I very much yearn to simply be accepted by the people at food not bombs, but in seeking that acceptance, I am again having to construct labels around myself. And each time someone links or returns a link to my blog, I am filled with elation. It very much resembles a high, and it's because I'm receiving another hit of approval. And, of course, I still very much would like all of the old sources to come around and start praising me again for the direction in which I am taking my life. But, honestly, that would be my downfall. Hearing their disapproval for the first time is a very shocking experience, but it is also very healthy for me, I feel. I do not know how to unlearn this behavior or how to get out from under this addiction, but I want to. It absolutely essential to the unschooling process.
Before, I was the perfect citizen, for the reason that I strived to be perfect. Perfect for other people. That perfectionism and the desire to please would have led me to do anything required of me in order to satisfy the demands of other people, and achieve their approval as reward. This is exactly the kind of behavior desired in soldiers and the corresponding soldier citizens in the economy- mindless drones willing to bend over backwards to please their boss(es). I am, of course, painting a much bleaker picture than anyone would be willing to accept as their reality, but it essentially comes down to that in the end, whether we're fully conscious of it or not.
So I desire to excise myself from this current environment where I am still being trained to look for little red marks on my paper to see if I did a good job or not.
There is a Chinese proverb I saw recently that helps to describe my feelings about college - "Unless we change direction, we are likely to end up where we are headed." I need to change my direction, or I will head directly into the wage slavery I so much dread and despise. I don't know the specifics yet of what that direction will look like, but I am lucky enough to have a family that will support me in the short term, allowing me the time to solidify my vision and gain some autonomy in my life.
I have recently become very interested in the matters of parenting and general child-raising practices. This recognition of addiction became clearer to myself by reading an article by Alfie Kohn, called Five reasons to stop saying "Good job!" (it's one of the spotlight articles- no direct link available). I would like to read his book, Unconditional Parenting.
Beyond that, I am also exploring the world of unassisted childbirth and elimination communication and the continuum concept- mostly because I am reading the blogs of very interesting parents, like Mother Anarchy and Village Blog. It makes me excited about the prospect of raising a child someday. For now, though, I need to focus on unlearning the maladaptive lessons of my childhood. That's enough to fill up anyone's plate.
expand to read the full post
At the moment, I am reluctant to even write this post because I fear it won't be pleasing to some people. That is the primary, if latent, emotion that drives addictive pleasing behavior - fear. Fear of not being accepted, of not being loved, of not being good enough. It is an internalized pressure to meet the expectations of other people, internalized from the original external pressure. The pressure is subtle, and it is not necessarily even intended. My mom has commented, and I know, that when children are born, they don't come with instruction manuals. And any instructions received from this culture are bound to be faulty and maladaptive. So I don't blame my parents. Within their particular stories and context, this was the only way they were able to raise me. I have always said that I thought my parents did a very good job of raising me. And that is part of the problem. 1) I feel the need to reassure them, surely in an attempt to make them even prouder of the product of their raising, and 2) I am mirroring their behavior, making a value judgement on their parenting skills when they should speak for themselves without any judgements being necessary. What I am referring to is the phrase "good job." I just used it myself, in reference to my parents, and they used it all the time with me and any small accomplishment I made. This evaluative phrase has the unintended consequence of turning whatever activity I am engaged in as only a means to an end- seeking the approval and praise from my parents and any other authority figure in my life. I became dependent upon this praise and learned to seek only that. This pressure shaped me into a very "good kid" from outward appearances. I was a straight A student and was very religious, and I was especially willing to be helpful and always in service to others- always with the hidden motive of getting my approval fix, like the junkie I was. Now, this was not done consciously. It was not contrived behavior. It grew into a habit slowly and unknowingly, from my earliest formative years, whenever I first did something that could possibly be regarded as praiseworthy- perhaps opening my eyes for the first time, or smiling, or, I don't know, maybe even pooping (depending on how weird of a mood my parents were in at the time, of course). Like I said, I do not blame my parents for turning me into an approval hungry monster. I am a little angry that I have lived my life thus far in this way and now have to struggle to unlearn this addiction, but placing blame does not help the situation.
I learned to first seek praise from my parents, but the lesson was hammered home in grade school. I know that by third grade, I was thoroughly a teacher's pet. It may have started before that, but I got really good at it by third grade. I would try my hardest to exceed so far in school that the teachers just had to love me. And they did. They loved me because I was intelligent. They loved me because I was cooperative. They loved me because I was helpful. Because I was eager. Because I was responsible. Because I was trustworthy. These are all good character traits by themselves, but I did not develop them for their own sake but rather only to receive the praise that results from having these traits. It became almost a kind of game for me. By highschool, I was conscious of the necessity to make a good impression on the teacher from the start in order to get the teacher to like me, and then do well in the class as a result, gaining both the approval of that teacher and fueling the everpresent praise of my family. This addiction is what drove me to get straight A's (and to view the act of getting them as "fun"...sounds like a junkie's high to me...), it's what drove me to be very religious, going to extremes in only listening to christian rock and signing at least five different chastity cards over the years and, eventually, feeling the duty to consider the priesthood, seeking the approval of the priests at my school and church, and perhaps my dad (?), and certainly God. Actually, part of my disillusionment with God might have been realizing in a very demoralizing way that as much as I might try, I'm not going to receive praise from God in the same way (or perhaps in infinitely more ways?) as I did from all the other authority figures in my life. Everything that made up who I was was superficial. It was all simply the most effective means to accessing my drug of choice.
So I'm trying to recover, right? I slowly deconstructed all the labels I had built around myself in order to attract praise, and I stumblingly found myself some new labels to assume. Vegetarian, anarchist, anti-civ... It is certainly a step in the right direction, as it was a very tough thing to open myself up to so much disapproval from all of the authority figures I looked up to throughout my childhood. Any relationships that remain through that are real. And that is a really cool thing. But in taking on new labels, I'm finding that I am still just as addicted to approval. I'm just seeking different sources for that approval. I very much yearn to simply be accepted by the people at food not bombs, but in seeking that acceptance, I am again having to construct labels around myself. And each time someone links or returns a link to my blog, I am filled with elation. It very much resembles a high, and it's because I'm receiving another hit of approval. And, of course, I still very much would like all of the old sources to come around and start praising me again for the direction in which I am taking my life. But, honestly, that would be my downfall. Hearing their disapproval for the first time is a very shocking experience, but it is also very healthy for me, I feel. I do not know how to unlearn this behavior or how to get out from under this addiction, but I want to. It absolutely essential to the unschooling process.
Before, I was the perfect citizen, for the reason that I strived to be perfect. Perfect for other people. That perfectionism and the desire to please would have led me to do anything required of me in order to satisfy the demands of other people, and achieve their approval as reward. This is exactly the kind of behavior desired in soldiers and the corresponding soldier citizens in the economy- mindless drones willing to bend over backwards to please their boss(es). I am, of course, painting a much bleaker picture than anyone would be willing to accept as their reality, but it essentially comes down to that in the end, whether we're fully conscious of it or not.
So I desire to excise myself from this current environment where I am still being trained to look for little red marks on my paper to see if I did a good job or not.
There is a Chinese proverb I saw recently that helps to describe my feelings about college - "Unless we change direction, we are likely to end up where we are headed." I need to change my direction, or I will head directly into the wage slavery I so much dread and despise. I don't know the specifics yet of what that direction will look like, but I am lucky enough to have a family that will support me in the short term, allowing me the time to solidify my vision and gain some autonomy in my life.
I have recently become very interested in the matters of parenting and general child-raising practices. This recognition of addiction became clearer to myself by reading an article by Alfie Kohn, called Five reasons to stop saying "Good job!" (it's one of the spotlight articles- no direct link available). I would like to read his book, Unconditional Parenting.
Beyond that, I am also exploring the world of unassisted childbirth and elimination communication and the continuum concept- mostly because I am reading the blogs of very interesting parents, like Mother Anarchy and Village Blog. It makes me excited about the prospect of raising a child someday. For now, though, I need to focus on unlearning the maladaptive lessons of my childhood. That's enough to fill up anyone's plate.
Monday, March 20
Ventures in further self-awareness
Saturday, March 11
A link from Mother Anarchy's blog on unschooling- a course on un/homeschooling. Most relevant to me is the part of Lesson 7: College and Career about alternatives to college. That may be helpful in helping people to understand how I plan to "survive" without a degree.
On the other hand, Skald has yet another great post on Hobopoet about the necessity of simply not letting people coax me back in to following the crowd, stepping back in line, finding my place in the system. That's just helpful to me on a personal level, but check it out if you want.
On the other hand, Skald has yet another great post on Hobopoet about the necessity of simply not letting people coax me back in to following the crowd, stepping back in line, finding my place in the system. That's just helpful to me on a personal level, but check it out if you want.
Some meta and reflections on my list of 100(ish) things
First the meta-
You have probably noticed that the list of links on the sidebar has grown and evolved quite a bit over the last month or so. These are all sites that I either visit on a nearly daily basis or are simply good occasional resources. So check them out if you haven't already.
I also amended the about me portion. That is probably an emotional response to first being elated that Anthropik linked to me, and then being slightly TO-ed, seeing that they describe me as a kid (which I then realized is how I describe myself in my about me section): "The nice part about being a kid now is that you have a chance to grow up to see a free world; the bad part about being a kid now is, you're not born into that world." So I felt inclined to update the about me section, naturally.
Also, I don't have a full understanding of the way all of the laws work, but I have put up a notice that I release all rights over what I write here. I don't know how that works if I ever post things that other people have copyrights on. I'll look into that, I guess.
I switched a while ago to have everything in the sidebar to lower case, including even the title of the blog (tom campbell). I'm not sure what exactly my motive was there, but I just know I like it. Hope you don't mind my imitation of bell hooks.
Now for the more interesting reflections on my own list of 100 things about me-
I just wanted to note that I found it interesting how often I remarked in some way that I am an introvert.
I am also realizing that even though I am now assuming the label of an anarchist basically and trying to push away the hippie label, I've probably never been as much of a hippie in my actions and beliefs than I am now. As soon as I stopped trying to fulfill that label in name, I think I started to fulfill it in deed. I still don't like that label, though. Now, to me, when someone is labelled a hippie, it brings up stereotypes of drugs and a general laidback nature where one is apt to say, "Hey dude, it's all cool. Just chill," even though it's not all cool and chilling is not going to help. Now what I need to do is move past the label of anarchist so I can start acting like that, too!
I was also surprised to hear me comment at a couple points that I am "funny to look at." Seems like there is still some latent self-image problems there. That said, I do believe that I clean up pretty well; I just don't have the motive to do so all that often.
I have begun to knit my first scarf. Yay for being artsy and productive and challenging gender roles all at the same time!
I noticed that I didn't feel compelled nor even think to include anyone from college on the list of favorite teachers.
The thumb I broke was on my left hand (that's not so much a reflection as an edit...oops).
On the potential dangers of activities I am engaging in... I was in my first bicycle/car collision thursday night. It had been raining off and on all day (but not at the time of the accident), so my wheels were slightly wet, and therefore my brakes took longer than usual to stop the bike. I'm heading down a slight incline and have the right of way (of course) when a car starts to turn left to go onto a highway onramp, coming right into my pathway. He did not see me, with my headlight on and my fucking fluorescent yellow jacket on, so he does not stop. I instinctively try to brake, which slows me down just enough (I might have been able to narrowly miss getting hit had I not braked) for him to clip my back tire with the front left corner of his car. My bike is knocked out from under me and I go skidding for a couple feet. As soon as I hit the ground, I look back at him, and he's looking at me. The look in his eye is as if the collision was my fault. The reality of the situation must have hit him by time he got a few meters further up the onramp because he then pulled over and got out to ask if I was okay. I was still picking myself up, but said yeah before I even really checked my bike. He took hold of my initial response and ran with it- getting out of there pretty quickly. My bike was fine, though. And I just got some roadburn on my left hip, ankle and elbow. My left knee also hurt that night as well. I was pretty shaken up, but I was able to continue on to my intended destination successfully (cooking for food not bombs). Today, the knee is feeling fine, I've got a bandage on my hip (with a scrape about three inches in diameter that I incurred through my jeans (oh, and none of my clothing got damaged either, not even the thin fluorescent jacket I was wearing. I was impressed)), but muscles in my right leg are aching. That quad must have slammed into the frame or something. Overall, though, it was a good first accident to have, with very little harm actually being done. My respect (and hatred, of course) for cars has been raised again, now backed by personal experience of their dangerousness. I still hold that it is much more dangerous to ride in a car than to ride a bike, and most of the reason that there is danger in riding a bike comes from the fact that cyclists have to share the road with the huge chunks of aluminum speeding along like there's no tomorrow (but, ironically enough, with peak oil at our doorstep, there isn't a tomorrow for cars. haha!). But accidents are simply a part of life when commuting by bicycle, and I'm just happy that I am keenly aware of that, no longer in theory but in practice.
You have probably noticed that the list of links on the sidebar has grown and evolved quite a bit over the last month or so. These are all sites that I either visit on a nearly daily basis or are simply good occasional resources. So check them out if you haven't already.
I also amended the about me portion. That is probably an emotional response to first being elated that Anthropik linked to me, and then being slightly TO-ed, seeing that they describe me as a kid (which I then realized is how I describe myself in my about me section): "The nice part about being a kid now is that you have a chance to grow up to see a free world; the bad part about being a kid now is, you're not born into that world." So I felt inclined to update the about me section, naturally.
Also, I don't have a full understanding of the way all of the laws work, but I have put up a notice that I release all rights over what I write here. I don't know how that works if I ever post things that other people have copyrights on. I'll look into that, I guess.
I switched a while ago to have everything in the sidebar to lower case, including even the title of the blog (tom campbell). I'm not sure what exactly my motive was there, but I just know I like it. Hope you don't mind my imitation of bell hooks.
Now for the more interesting reflections on my own list of 100 things about me-
I just wanted to note that I found it interesting how often I remarked in some way that I am an introvert.
I am also realizing that even though I am now assuming the label of an anarchist basically and trying to push away the hippie label, I've probably never been as much of a hippie in my actions and beliefs than I am now. As soon as I stopped trying to fulfill that label in name, I think I started to fulfill it in deed. I still don't like that label, though. Now, to me, when someone is labelled a hippie, it brings up stereotypes of drugs and a general laidback nature where one is apt to say, "Hey dude, it's all cool. Just chill," even though it's not all cool and chilling is not going to help. Now what I need to do is move past the label of anarchist so I can start acting like that, too!
I was also surprised to hear me comment at a couple points that I am "funny to look at." Seems like there is still some latent self-image problems there. That said, I do believe that I clean up pretty well; I just don't have the motive to do so all that often.
I have begun to knit my first scarf. Yay for being artsy and productive and challenging gender roles all at the same time!
I noticed that I didn't feel compelled nor even think to include anyone from college on the list of favorite teachers.
The thumb I broke was on my left hand (that's not so much a reflection as an edit...oops).
On the potential dangers of activities I am engaging in... I was in my first bicycle/car collision thursday night. It had been raining off and on all day (but not at the time of the accident), so my wheels were slightly wet, and therefore my brakes took longer than usual to stop the bike. I'm heading down a slight incline and have the right of way (of course) when a car starts to turn left to go onto a highway onramp, coming right into my pathway. He did not see me, with my headlight on and my fucking fluorescent yellow jacket on, so he does not stop. I instinctively try to brake, which slows me down just enough (I might have been able to narrowly miss getting hit had I not braked) for him to clip my back tire with the front left corner of his car. My bike is knocked out from under me and I go skidding for a couple feet. As soon as I hit the ground, I look back at him, and he's looking at me. The look in his eye is as if the collision was my fault. The reality of the situation must have hit him by time he got a few meters further up the onramp because he then pulled over and got out to ask if I was okay. I was still picking myself up, but said yeah before I even really checked my bike. He took hold of my initial response and ran with it- getting out of there pretty quickly. My bike was fine, though. And I just got some roadburn on my left hip, ankle and elbow. My left knee also hurt that night as well. I was pretty shaken up, but I was able to continue on to my intended destination successfully (cooking for food not bombs). Today, the knee is feeling fine, I've got a bandage on my hip (with a scrape about three inches in diameter that I incurred through my jeans (oh, and none of my clothing got damaged either, not even the thin fluorescent jacket I was wearing. I was impressed)), but muscles in my right leg are aching. That quad must have slammed into the frame or something. Overall, though, it was a good first accident to have, with very little harm actually being done. My respect (and hatred, of course) for cars has been raised again, now backed by personal experience of their dangerousness. I still hold that it is much more dangerous to ride in a car than to ride a bike, and most of the reason that there is danger in riding a bike comes from the fact that cyclists have to share the road with the huge chunks of aluminum speeding along like there's no tomorrow (but, ironically enough, with peak oil at our doorstep, there isn't a tomorrow for cars. haha!). But accidents are simply a part of life when commuting by bicycle, and I'm just happy that I am keenly aware of that, no longer in theory but in practice.
Tuesday, March 7
The Meatrix 2
I saw over at food not oil that a sequel to The Meatrix is being released at some point this month, The Meatrix 2.
While I am actually strongly considering the possibility of eating meat again in the near future, I am still a vegetarian for now because any meat available to me at this point would be coming from factory farms. It is both a matter of health and to make a political statement that I continue to not eat meat until I have some control over where the meat I would eat comes from.
I am looking forward to eating meat again, so I can start to move towards the paleo diet more solidly. It's really hard (impossible, really) to try to be vegetarian and paleo at the same time. They're incompatible in what you are allowed to eat and in how you view the world. Any source of protein in the vegetarian diet- dairy, beans- is not included in the paleo diet. And the vegetarian diet, while it has the noble goal of not supporting the factory farming industry, acts to further remove people from the natural flow of life and death that is what actually makes life possible. If a vegetarian holds the goal of not harming any sentient being (as many I know do, as I did, to some degree), what they are really saying in effect is that they are above living. Violence is integral to life. Without death, there could be no life.
So I'm making a distinction between economic veg'ans, who would never buy animal products but would eat them if they are free (which is what I would be right now if I wasn't in college and didn't have a meal plan through the middle of may) and elitist veg'ans who feel that they are above all of the dirty violence of life and sustain themselves with store-bought soy products (who I have been).
So yeah, check out the movie when it comes out, or the short little trailer right now.
While I am actually strongly considering the possibility of eating meat again in the near future, I am still a vegetarian for now because any meat available to me at this point would be coming from factory farms. It is both a matter of health and to make a political statement that I continue to not eat meat until I have some control over where the meat I would eat comes from.
I am looking forward to eating meat again, so I can start to move towards the paleo diet more solidly. It's really hard (impossible, really) to try to be vegetarian and paleo at the same time. They're incompatible in what you are allowed to eat and in how you view the world. Any source of protein in the vegetarian diet- dairy, beans- is not included in the paleo diet. And the vegetarian diet, while it has the noble goal of not supporting the factory farming industry, acts to further remove people from the natural flow of life and death that is what actually makes life possible. If a vegetarian holds the goal of not harming any sentient being (as many I know do, as I did, to some degree), what they are really saying in effect is that they are above living. Violence is integral to life. Without death, there could be no life.
So I'm making a distinction between economic veg'ans, who would never buy animal products but would eat them if they are free (which is what I would be right now if I wasn't in college and didn't have a meal plan through the middle of may) and elitist veg'ans who feel that they are above all of the dirty violence of life and sustain themselves with store-bought soy products (who I have been).
So yeah, check out the movie when it comes out, or the short little trailer right now.
Wednesday, March 1
Unschooling
A little over a week ago, I was ready to drop out of school immediately. As in, that day, withdrawing, checking out, no looking back. I felt a certain amount of urgency because the last day to receive a partial refund for tuition was quickly approaching. That day has now passed, and I am still enrolled. I will be finishing the semester, but I have partially already mentally dropped out. This means that I am still going to classes and participating and doing the work (for the most part), but it is not the priority at all in my mind anymore. The majority of my energy is now being spent on pursuing my own interests independent from school (this is nothing new; it is just more purposeful now (i.e. no longer dismissed as simply procrastination)). I am also only taking 12 hours (the minimum number to still be a full time student) instead of 15, since I withdrew from a writing class I was in that I found particularly annoying. At this point, I am exploring these interests outside of school mainly through reading, both books and on the internet, and through talking to people (friends, family, teachers, strangers) but also through some direct experience (e.g. food not bombs). I am making definite plans to visit Dancing Rabbit this summer. It is still up in the air at this point whether I will be returning to school next fall. Honestly, if I end up returning, it will only be because of the friends I have here. A possible alternative would be to transfer to a college that might better suit my interests, such as Northland. But more likely, I would drop out completely so as to most fully have the autonomy to explore the formation of another way of living.
School, and especially SLU, is no place to do that. School has a very specific purpose that is hidden under layers of apparent choice and topical learning. But John Taylor Gatto, a veteran teacher, makes very clear what is actually being taught in the educational system by outlining six lessons. These lessons are:
1. Stay in the class where you belong
2. turn on and off like a light switch
3. surrender your will to a predestined chain of command
4. only the teacher determines what curriculum you will study
5. your self-respect should depend on an observer's measure of your worth
6. you are being watched
While I will admit that these lessons are less stringently enforced in college (such as 1, 4 (for some people), and 6), they are all present here to a large degree and therefore greatly inhibit actual learning from taking place.
Daniel Quinn also has a speech online on the topic of schooling. In that, he purports that the main function of schools are to delay a segment of the population that is able to work from actually entering the work force so as to benefit the national economy, both in reducing unemployment rates and in creating a whole new industry from which to profit. Nothing of value is actually taught during those years and years of compulsory education. It is filler to waste time until they can't keep you from working any more. If anything, as Gatto would agree, what schools are teaching are dependence to authority figures, the kind of dependence that makes for good wage slaves, unable to survive without a mind-numbing 9 to 5 job for 40 years because they never actually learned any real skills that could benefit the person supposedly learning in school, skills for autonomy and self-reliance. I am of course not suggesting that we should not be interdependent with each other. That is very much necessary. But that is not the same thing as mindless dependence on abstract entities like corporations and governments.
The alternative is unschooling, where I would need to spend some time and energy to unlearn those six fundamental lessons of school that I have been socialized under for at least 14 years. Through unschooling, I would learn what I am curious to learn, when I want to learn it, at the pace I want to learn it, and through the means that I, and any teachers I may seek out, deem necessary. It would definitely be a lot of work- very engaging and intensive. But it would be a hell of a lot cheaper. And by directing energy towards things that I actually have a personal interest in, it will be a lot more fulfilling and a lot easier to muster inner motivation than what I am experiencing through my current situation.
I am ready to stop following the crowd and start finding my own path (with the help of some friendly scouts that have begun to venture into this forgotten territory).
Edit [3/2/06]: Another good essay on this topic can be found over at The Journal of a Rebel.
School, and especially SLU, is no place to do that. School has a very specific purpose that is hidden under layers of apparent choice and topical learning. But John Taylor Gatto, a veteran teacher, makes very clear what is actually being taught in the educational system by outlining six lessons. These lessons are:
1. Stay in the class where you belong
2. turn on and off like a light switch
3. surrender your will to a predestined chain of command
4. only the teacher determines what curriculum you will study
5. your self-respect should depend on an observer's measure of your worth
6. you are being watched
While I will admit that these lessons are less stringently enforced in college (such as 1, 4 (for some people), and 6), they are all present here to a large degree and therefore greatly inhibit actual learning from taking place.
Daniel Quinn also has a speech online on the topic of schooling. In that, he purports that the main function of schools are to delay a segment of the population that is able to work from actually entering the work force so as to benefit the national economy, both in reducing unemployment rates and in creating a whole new industry from which to profit. Nothing of value is actually taught during those years and years of compulsory education. It is filler to waste time until they can't keep you from working any more. If anything, as Gatto would agree, what schools are teaching are dependence to authority figures, the kind of dependence that makes for good wage slaves, unable to survive without a mind-numbing 9 to 5 job for 40 years because they never actually learned any real skills that could benefit the person supposedly learning in school, skills for autonomy and self-reliance. I am of course not suggesting that we should not be interdependent with each other. That is very much necessary. But that is not the same thing as mindless dependence on abstract entities like corporations and governments.
The alternative is unschooling, where I would need to spend some time and energy to unlearn those six fundamental lessons of school that I have been socialized under for at least 14 years. Through unschooling, I would learn what I am curious to learn, when I want to learn it, at the pace I want to learn it, and through the means that I, and any teachers I may seek out, deem necessary. It would definitely be a lot of work- very engaging and intensive. But it would be a hell of a lot cheaper. And by directing energy towards things that I actually have a personal interest in, it will be a lot more fulfilling and a lot easier to muster inner motivation than what I am experiencing through my current situation.
I am ready to stop following the crowd and start finding my own path (with the help of some friendly scouts that have begun to venture into this forgotten territory).
Edit [3/2/06]: Another good essay on this topic can be found over at The Journal of a Rebel.
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That instance is actually a fun personal example of the butterfly effect. One night, back in late october, I was doing a random google search for "pacifism," and Ran's essay happened to catch my eye (if you do that search, you'll find it almost to the end of the page, if you have it set to return 100 results). I clicked on the link, read the essay, and thought it was really good. It was touching on just the kind of transient nature of the meaning of the word "violence" that I was trying to feel out as I began to question my pacifism. I shared the link to the essay with a few friends, and that's where it stayed for a few weeks. I wrote about the essay in my blog eventually. And then finally it dawned on me to perhaps explore other essays written by this author. And I did. I read many of his essays and then switched over and started to follow his blog on a daily basis, but only superficially, never following any of the links in his posts. At some point around Christmas, Sara and I were looking at the site together, and she was exploring every link possible, and the opportunity again dawned on me that I am not exploiting this resource nearly far enough. So then, as I began to go back and explore places Ran linked to, I quickly made my way to Anthropik, as Jason was still in the midst of finishing up his Thirty Theses and so was being linked by Ran every few days as a new thesis was published. I continued to thoroughly explore Anthropik then, adding it to my list of daily reads. One day in January, by chance, I came across a link to Hobopoet in the forum at Anthropik, and headed on over there. Here things start to speed up a bit. By this time, I am starting to add these daily reads to the sidebar here, and when I added Hobopoet, somehow, the very next day (if I remember correctly), Hobopoet had linked back to me! (my first big hit of blogger-to-blogger approval, btw). While all this general blogging merriment is going on, I have basically been pacified and beaten down into accepting the idea that I could go on for three and a half more years and get a degree in something or other. Still, I'm exploring, virtually, and I come across the link to Dancing Rabbit on Ishcon, again randomly, and link to it. And I know this is a little cheesy, but it all comes together, all these little happenstance events, with Devin. Remember that he found my blog through Hobopoet, which he found through Anthropik (probably the same way I did). He begins to open up a dialogue with me mid february, and by the end of march, I have again come alive and am chomping at the bit to be rid of the chains of school and start living. To change direction so as to not end up where I was headed. To actually have what I believe acted out in the way I organize and use my life every day. SO, the point was - a random google search led directly to my dropping out. So be careful what you google search!
Wow, so I got way off topic, but that's okay. It was fun. Anyway, I can't recommend Ran's essays enough, along with the rest of his site.
The corollary that follows my people pleasing addiction is that I am very apt to become dependent on people I perceive as role models or heros in my life. To quote a CrimethInc. Worker Bulletin, the most important question for the revolutionary is how to escape disciples and enable equals. I would like to start enabling myself. It's fine for me to learn from other people, but then I need to take what I learn and go out and live my own life, not live vicariously through the people I'm supposedly just learning from.
Sorry I went a little linkcrazy with this post. Don't know what came over me...