"There are persons I know whose spiritual eros or energy is not nourished or directed by any church or organized religion, but whose integrity, commitment to justice, and concern for the needs of their fellow human beings all bespeak a depth appropriately described as spiritual. Ignatian humanism….argues for a God at work in the lives of people even when they give up on religion or the notion of God." (Introduction XVIII)
Modras, Ronald. Ignatian Humanism: A Dynamic Spirituality for the 21st Century. Chicago: Loyola Press, 2004.
Just because I am not able to see or directly acknowledge God's presence in my life right now doesn't mean God can't still be there. If anything, those that love me and would want me to find God can rest assured that by being honest about where I am now, I can only be increasing the potential and the probability that God's grace will find me. Here's what I believe (And I don't necessarily have evidence for what I believe. I may contradict what I have said earlier. That's okay. I just need to honestly state where I am and accept that for what it is before I can move on): There is more to a human than the body, there is more to the natural world than evolution. The world is filled with mystery, and that mystery is an expression of a realm beyond the physical, beyond the natural. This spiritual element is in everything. Through my connection to the spirit, my relationship to the world is to be that of love. To love is to live a good life.
That is very vague and simplistic, but it is all I can agree on. But even in expressing the extent of my beliefs, I feel that I have shown myself the ridiculousness of religious language, that I am unnecessarily creating the holy, that which is set apart, and taking my desire to love the world out of my hands and saying that I am doing it for something or someone else. I am turning it into a duty instead of an act of my free will. I do not want to do anything because it is a duty. Duty (that which must be obeyed) seems to me to be the main point of religion (institutional religion, at least. But I think it's there in unorganized religion as well). I see it drilled in to the kids heads at my service site for Micah House (a Baptist bible study...what did I get myself into?): obedience is a virtue, listen to what we're saying, do what we want you to do. The songs they have the kids sing appear to me as brainwashing techniques now. I am frustrated. But I digress.
I don't know if I can live in a world without a God, but I'm ready to find out. Maybe I'll have an epiphany or even a theophany. You can pray for me if you like- it wouldn't offend me at all. I just need to get on with living and not worry about what my actions should or should not be motivated by. So for now, I am acting on my own volition because that is what I know. If I grow to acknowledge a higher power guiding me, fine. But I won't go around pretending that I'm experiencing what I'm not anymore.
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Makes sense to me.
ReplyDeleteHappy (very late) birthday! :)