Tuesday, April 25

Ani DiFranco

I went to see Ani in concert last night. I went with my friend Annie and her best friend Nikki. It was in Columbia, Missouri, where I believe there is a thriving anarchist community if I'm not mistaken. I wore my "I [heart] anarchy" shirt to the concert, complete with recent splatter marks on front and back from riding my bike in the rain. Ani was amazing. She is an awesome woman. She stopped touring for a while (for the first time in 15 years, except when recording) because of problems with tendonitis in her very talented guitar-string plucking hands. About halfway through her performance, her hand (visibly) started bothering her, but she continued with the show, playing the guitar as powerfully as ever (she must have broken at least 6 strings through the course of the night. at least.). So if you'll indulge me, I'm going to post some of my most favorite lyrics from her.

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I have to begin with my favorite song, Animal:

more and more there is this animal
looking out through my eyes
at all the traffic on the road to nowhere
at all the shiny stuff around to buy
at all the wires in the air
at all the people shopping
for the same blank stare
at america the drastic
that isolated geographic
that's become infested with millionaires

[refrain:]when you grow up surrounded
by willful ignorance
you have to believe
mercy has its own country
and that it's round and borderless
and then you have to grow wings
and rise above it all
like there
where that hawk is circling
above that strip mall

more and more there is this animal
looking out through my eyes
seeing that animals only take from this world
what they need to survive
but she is prowling through all the religions of men
seeing that time and time and time again
their gods have made them
special and above
nature's law
and the respect thereof

[refrain]

ask any eco-system
harm here is harm there
and there and there
and aggression begets aggression
it's a very simple lesson
that long preceded any king of heaven
and there's this brutal imperial power
that my passport says i represent
but it will never represent where my heart lives
only vaguely where it went

[refrain]
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Okay, so it would be a bit much to continue posting full songs, but I'll at least list some of my other favorites (with links to their full lyrics):
Evolve
Your next bold move
What if no one's watching
Shameless
To the teeth
Welcome to:
Self Evident

I'm going to give the full lyrics here for one last song that resonates with me very much at this point in my life. As you'll see, a few of the lines would apply more to me if I happened to be a woman, but you get the idea... I give you Swandive:

cradling the softest, warmest part of you in my hand
feels like a little baby bird fallen from the nest
i think that your body is something i understand
i think that i'm happy, i think that i'm blessed

i've got a lack of inhibition
i've got a loss of perspective
i've had a little bit to drink
and it's making me think
that i can jump ship and swim
that the ocean will hold me
that there's got to be more
than this boat i'm in

'cuz they can call me crazy if i fail
all the chance that i need
is one-in-a-million
and they can call me brilliant
if i succeed
gravity is nothing to me, moving at the speed of sound
i'm just going to get my feet wet
until i drown

and i teeter between tired
and really, really tired
im wiped and im wired but i guess its just as well
because i built my own empire
out of car tires and chicken wire
and i'm queen of my own compost heap
and i'm getting used to the smell

and i've got a lack of information
but i got a little revelation
and i'm climbing up on the railing
trying not to look down
i'm going to do my best swan dive
into shark-infested waters
i'm gonna pull out my tampon
and start splashing around

'cuz i don't care if they eat me alive
i've got better things to do than survive
i've got a memory of your warm skin in my hand
and i've got a vision of blue sky and dry land

i'm cradling the hardest, heaviest part of me in my hand
the ship is pitching and heaving, my limbs are bobbing and weaving
and i think this is something i understand
i just need a couple vaccinations for my far-away vacation
i'm going to go ahead and go boldly because a little bird told me
that jumping is easy, that falling is fun
up until you hit the sidewalk, shivering and stunned

and they can call me crazy if i fail
all the chance that i need
is one-in-a-million
and they can call me brilliant
if i succeed
gravity is nothing to me
moving at the speed of sound
i'm just gonna get my feet wet
until i drown...
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If you don't already see it in the lyrics, the reason this song resonates with me so much right now is because of my dropping out of school. It is very much a swan dive into the unknown, and it's a jump that's opened me up to receiving a lot of flak from other people. What this song underscores is the absolute necessity for accepting risk and danger as a part of life. Without risk, there is no living going on, there is no life worth living. The only secure (i.e. certain) thing in life is death. To seek out security is to seek out death. To live in a cocoon of protection (a big house in the suburbs, a college diploma, a high school diploma, a bank account, insurance policies, marriage contracts), shielding you from life's unending uncertainties (what will I eat next, where will I live, who will love me), is to effectively eliminate the substance of a fulfilling life. As a culture, we replace the free, dynamic, wild ride that is a fulfilling/successful/thriving life with a hardened shell that tries to control everything and pin every uncertainty down. That hollow shell is fired in a kiln of fear of that unknown. Fear inspires control. The more you (attempt to) control your circumstances, the more you fear losing that control. The antidote to such a vicious cycle is simply to let go of that fear and to let go of that control. It's a little scary, but that's only because it's new. I'm still a baby in this world (the real one). Really, its more exciting than scary.

If people want to try to show their love for me by expressing worry- you do what you gotta do. I'm not going to try to convince you to let go of me, of control, of your fear (or worry- it's all the same). You'd have to do that on your own. Know that I appreciate that I am important enough to you that you feel the need to protect me too, but also know that I do not appreciate the attempts at protection themselves. They are misplaced and not helpful. I am not shunning you, only the lifestyle you lead. I'm sure you take offense at that. Now you know how I feel.

This life is an adventure, full of risk and danger and the unexpected. Simply surviving isn't enough anymore. I'm ready to take my swandive.



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