I'm doing a lot of watching of movies lately, mostly to pass the time (a little over 7 days until "school's out forever"), but they are at least informative movies.
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Last night, I watched the documentary, Loose Change, which is a conspiracy theory about 9/11 and the role our government played in it. The Bush Administration inflicted this attack upon America themselves in order to gain the support of the very scared nation, opening the door to such things as the Patriot Act, the occupation of Afganistan, and the occupation of Iraq. We still have to wait and see if they invade Iran as well. It's not like they need anyone's support for anything at this point. Oh, and apparently there was billions of dollars worth of gold under the WTCs, and only a small portion of it was recovered (because the rest was hiested by the people who organized this). The movie is about 80 minutes long. You can watch it at the link above. The government - killing its own citizens to gain more wealth and power. This is not a democracy. This isn't even a republic. We are living under a tyranny, and as anyone who isn't wealthy enough already knows, we are living in a police state. It's not like I didn't already know all this; the documentary just helped me to start to feel the emotions that come with this knowledge for the first time in a long time.
Several weeks ago, I watched another documentary, Pickaxe. It was actually the second time I watched it, the first being a year and a half ago, right around the time that I first acknowledged that I was an anarchist. It tells the story of environmental activists blocking the road to an old growth forest marked for logging. This is public, protected land we're talking about, land that is not allowed to be logged. The government/logging companies (you can't distinguish one from the other in this case) get around this by first setting the forest on fire (as in arson), then openly "fighting" the forest fire by burning more of the forest, and then "salvaging" the damaged woods. Fires do not kill forests. Forests recover (and are actually strengthened) by natural fires all of the time. Logging kills forests. So the eco-activists camped out on the road leading to the forest for almost a year before police arrested them, but in that year, they were able to gain enough public attention that the logging of that forest was cancelled. I have the video, so just ask if you want to watch it. We can organize a screening if you want. That'd be cool.
Profit and control being put before life. I am angry, yes. I am rebelling. Not at the whole world. Just this one, solitary group of humans known as civilization. I allow myelf to experience the emotion. And then later, I'll let it go because Bush isn't trying to be evil. The police aren't trying to be assholes. They can't help it. They are just as trapped as I am (more so, actually) in this sick game called civilization.
But this is all abstracted. I wasn't anywhere near New York or DC on 9/11. I have not ever been to Washington to see where forests have been clearcut. Why does something so far away have such an emotional effect on me? I am projecting my anger on something far away so that I don't have to deal with its source in my own life. I'm not exactly sure what that source could be. My mom has reminded me that before I went to school, I could creatively play for hours on end by myself with whatever toys were available (well, they had to be stimulating toys, she said). I don't remember much from my early childhood. I remember seeing kids playing in the schoolyard across the street. I thought that is was school was - playing with other kids, so naturally I begged to go (as my mom reminds me). Thankfully, she kept me out for as long as possible until I was the oldest age allowed for preschool. Along with begging for school, I also begged for a little brother, which I got finally when I was 6. Could all of my anger just be coming from school messing me up? Or not having enough partners in play? (I know I'm introverted, but I was also obviously infatuated with the idea of having other kids to play with - if I was begging to go to school) I don't know. But I want to start to heal whatever traumatized my inner child. In turn, that will start to heal the trauma of civilization.
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