As the school year comes to a close, I can look back now and actually see that I truly enjoyed this year. I mean, of course, I stressed myself out much more than I needed to by my constant cycle of procrastination and racing to get some work done. But nevertheless, I realized that I liked my classes, I liked my teachers (for the most part), and I liked the people I was taking those classes with (that last part was key, I think). And the reason senior year was the best was because I had choices. I was taking classes that I was actually interested in. And, thank God, I did not have any math. That probably made all the difference right there. Because I remember struggling to get through the weeks because I was so bored/tired of the material I was being forced to learn. Not so this year. It is actually a little sad to see it ending just when it was really getting good.
To completely change directions, I was wondering to myself if I am predisposed to be a "good kid" and a pacifist and such because of things I've had little control over. Here's what I'm talking about: even though I'm tall, I'm also really skinny (like really. freakishly, even), so I've always been sort of a wimp. Or at least that's how I perceived myself. And in that position I was placed in (or maybe placed myself in), it's a pretty beneficial step to be really nice to everyone and to claim that I'm a pacifist. Almost like a defense mechanism itself: if I can't defend myself physically, then I'll hide behind morals and pity. Maybe. I don't know. Just examining possible ulterior motives. Not to be denying free will, but it's probably generally true that when someone is gifted with a big, muscular body, they're more inclined to use it aggressively. Just because they are more able. I really like the person I'm growing into, and if it's a result of my body, that's not necessarily a bad thing. But would I be who I am today if I was given a different body? I don't know.
I have plans to bulk up this summer, anyway. So I guess we'll see!
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
Tom
ReplyDeleteWhen I was younger, body image meant everything to me. I was under the impression that how you looked was how people perceived you. As I got older, I knew taking care of your body was essential to your well being but it was the "me" inside the shell that became more important.
As I read your blog, one man came to mind; Mahatma Gandhi. His body was frail but his words and mind changed a nation. It takes more courage to walk away from violence than it is to stay and use force. So take care of that body of yours for well- being sake; keep your mind sharper and use words when necessary. God gave you that certain body for a purpose.